JezzyLife

2011-01-11T12:56:00.002+11:00

Here... Rubberband Girl

New Blog

2011-01-08T13:32:00.001+11:00

Coming soon...

Hmmmm

2010-07-20T20:57:00.001+10:00

I might start writing again.

Farewell

2008-07-22T15:46:00.001+10:00

The week-long World Youth Day celebrations were so fantastic.

I'm so happy to have the chance to have experienced it - it really was
one of the most unique cultural crowd celebration that I've ever taken
part in. We camped out under the stars at Randwick on Saturday night,
along with around 300,000 others. It was cold but happy and the people
we met were just lovely. It was so inspirational to meet other young
people from all around the world. On Sunday morning, I couldn't
believe that I ran into a good friend of mine, amongst the 400,000
people gathered for the final Mass. The Pope was just lovely and his
words were very thoughtful.

I think it's really cool to have been part of such a huge Mass. It was
so beautifully done. And even as it changed languages (including
Vietnamese, Italian, Sudanese, Latin and English) and music styles
(including Gregorian, four-part vocal, contemporary, Gospel and
Polynesian) thoughout, the thought struck me that anywhere in the
world, the Catholic Mass remains the same. It's universal, but with
local flavour. That's so cool.

What a great experience. So very joyful. It's sad that it's over.

Dear reader, I have to say that my blogging has been rather limited
lately. Actually, it's been that way for the last two years. I simply
feel a lot more settled and at peace these days (despite the ongoing
drama in the background of my life!) and don't feel the need to have a
ranting-board right now.
Please know that I do still read all the blogs on my blogroll, even if
I don't always comment.

This is not a final goodbye from me - I am a bit more interactive on
Facebook these days and I'd love to add you as a friend.
Please email me at jezzygirl[at]gmail.com to get my name.

Jezzy
x

World Youth Day and Hubby's Birthday

2008-07-15T16:09:00.001+10:00

1. World Youth Day is really an amazing event. It's wonderful to see
so much joy in this city.

For the first time that I can remember, there is real and widespread
discussion about religion in this country, ranging from some very
narrow-minded whinging, to some very considered discussion. It's
important that this occurs in such a secular country because faith
shouldn't be something that we're bullied into keeping private simply
because some atheists are so vocal about hatred of any religion and,
especially so willing to bash Christianity. Believe me, when your Dad
is atheist (I would hate to be that bitter and cynical about
everything) and your Mum can be a bit of an over-the-top
fundamentalist traditionalist (I would hate to not be able to relax!)
you spend a lot of time thinking about what you believe and why.

Almost a quarter of this country is Catholic and the majority of
Australians are Christian. The majority of Australians do have a
religion. The majority of people in this country do have faith and do
believe in God. But it's so hidden, something we might think about in
our heads - and leave it at that.

At the moment, seeing people from all around the world converge in
this city, in an event of this magnitude, I'm proud of being a
Catholic. I'm proud of the link, and the participation, with our
Christian brothers and sister and our Jewish and Muslim cousins -
because we're here to celebrate our faith in the same God. I'm proud
to see people come together in the name of love and the messages of
Christ, and it all makes the whingers seem so petty - as if they just
don't get it.
Well, they don't get it.
But that's okay too.

It's true that having a faith is not necessary to make someone a "good
person". It's true that people have done nasty things in the past in
the name of religion. But all that doesn't discount the role of
religion and faith - something that permeates through every society,
every culture, every age. Those who have felt it, know it's there
because they have felt it. They know that they are loved. We are never
alone - and there is great comfort in knowing that.

Somehow that knowledge takes that bitterness and puts into perspective
all the pettiness.
We're part of something much bigger and greater than all of that.

2. Hubby turns 30 today.
Today also marks 10 years since we first got together. Hubby is my
sweetness and light and I have so much admiration for him. I have seen
him become this strong, loving, kind and gentle man and I'm so proud
of everything he has done and the person he has become. He's such a
wonderful angel and I'm so very lucky to have him.

2008-06-27T14:14:00.000+10:00

Thanks for the b'day messages everyone.

I had such a great birthday weekend, going to the Opera House to see
the magnificent "Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" on Sat night
(what a fantastic play!), and then driving down to Berrima (gorgeous,
old-style town near W'gong) on Sunday. We finally ordered a new
nameplate for our house and had lunch at the state's oldest
continually-licensed pub. Dinner was back at my parent's house and Mum
made her yummiest almond, orange and semolina cake yet.

Hubby turns 30 in two weeks and I have no idea what to organise. It
falls at the start of World Youth Day celebrations and we'll be
hosting two pilgrims at our house for the week. Perhaps I'll organise
something for the weekend beforehand. (I can't believe he's turning
30! He's still the same sweet, young 20 year old to me. Hasn't aged
one bit.)

You know, the last two times I've been to the toilet at work today,
the person in the cubicle next to me sounded like they'd turned on a
hose to full blast! It was LOUD!
How do people cope when they piss like they're about to explode? I
wonder if it was the same person both times. Maybe they have an
extra-wide urethra with extra-big bladder? (New Extra-Large Bladder!!
Now with 50% more volume! For all those times when you need to sound
like a horse taking a piss. Out Now!)

Shameless Birthday Plug

2008-06-23T15:25:00.001+10:00

Yesterday, I turned 29.

There's lots I could say about being 29.
But I won't.

Scariness.

Random thoughts:

2008-06-11T11:28:00.001+10:00

1. Mike Goldman is so much better than Kyle Sandilands.

2. One of hubby's friends slept with a stripper last weekend. I am
really, really, really disappointed in him! He's someone I rated as a
pretty good person and doing that was so out of character and gross.
And she wasn't even an intelligent stripper - full of life experience,
wrong decisions and pathos. She was just a bimbette with fake nails
and bleached hair.

3. Australia Post at Macquarie shopping centre has the worst customer
service in the known universe.

4. We get really annoyed that our election campaigns go on and on for
six weeks. We complain about the waste of money and the relentless
advertising and campaigning - yet what the hell is going on in the
US?! It's completely, utterly insane.

5. A work colleague announced to me this morning that he had a dream
about me last night. He started to tell me about it, then said "why am
I even telling you this?" and walked away. Note to everyone - do not
say things like that to colleagues! Everyone dreams about people at
work, but it is never appropriate to tell them!

6. Therese Rein is cool. People should stop criticising her dress
sense and perceived frumpiness. Prime Minister's wife, she may be.
Carla Bruni, she is not. She's better than that.

7. I still find the China earthquake tragedy really, really sad.
Whatever you think of the government there, it's an amazing country
with great people.

8. Second season of Skins < First season of Skins. Unfortunately.

9. I had four hours of dress rehearsal yesterday for Sunday's symphony
choir concert. Most people get pop songs stuck in their head. I have
the voice of the bass who stands next to me, singing in German. Just
this one line by Brahms. Gaah!

10. Why are babies so cute, yet young children so annoying? Is it just
the pathetic parenting these days with people so keen for their kids
to like them that they can't control them at all? I do want to have
kids, and soon, but it's scary and cringeworthy to do so knowing that
they will be surrounded by so many "special" little horrors.

Walking!

2008-05-24T10:08:00.001+10:00

So yesterday our company started the Gl0bal C0rporate Challenge.

For those who don't know, it's like a virtual Amazing Race thing where
office workers all wear pedometers and work in teams of 7, logging in
steps everyday. The aim is to make the average office worker (who
tends to do around 6000 steps per day) more active by aiming for 10000
steps.

I was pleased, clocking at over 11000 yesterday. This is much more
than I'd managed to achieve on my own. My previous attempts at using a
pedometer put me at around 8000 per day.

I think the competitive thing appeals to me!

Anyway, it's 2pm today and I'm already at 10837. My aim is to get
closer to 15000 because that seems achievable and would burn around
2500kJ per day and hopefully help me lose a bit of weight. I'm aching
to gain back my 24 year old body!

Two things annoying me at the moment:

2008-05-19T16:46:00.001+10:00

1. Gen Y's inability to commit to anything.

Case in point.
Last Tuesday night, we had a last minute invitation to dinner from one
of Hubby's friends.
I was asked to invite one of my younger cousins along (since he has a
crush on her!)
My cousin in 23.
This is how it panned out.

5pm. Jezzy calls Cousin.

Jezzy: Hi sweetie! What are you up to tonight?
Cousin: Nuthin much. What's up with you two?
Jezzy: [Hubby's friend] has invited us around for dinner. He says he
wants you to meet his younger sister while she's visiting from London.
Wanna come? We can pick you up at seven. What say you?
Cousin: Where you are going? I don't really want a big night because
of work tomorrow.
Jezzy: Sames. It won't be a biggie.
Cousin: Okay. That sounds good. I'll let you know later what I'm up
to. Okay, bye.
Jezzy: ???

6pm. Cousin calls Jezzy.

Cousin: So what time are you leaving?
Jezzy: We just got home. We'll leave at 7pm, proll. So will be at your
house just past then.
Cousin: Okay, I should be good. Will let you know.
Jezzy: ????

6.30pm. Cousin calls Jezzy.

Cousin: Hey Jez, I don't think I'll make it tonight. I'm really tired.
Say soz for me.
Jezzy: Yeah, don't worry about it.
Cousin: Yeah, maybe I'll see you tomorrow night. I'll let you know
what I'm up to.
Jezzy: ?????

I seriously don't get it.
All I want is a yes or no. Why is this so hard?!

Is it because they've never known what it's like to arrange their
social life without a mobile phone?

2. Splitting the restaurant bill unfairly.

Now I usually don't mind splitting the bill in half when I go out with
a friend, but I have one friend who is a repeat offender for blatantly
profiting off others. She eats heaps and then says "so we'll split
it?" and I can't say no or I'll look like a tight arse.

Case in point:

What Jezzy ordered: Homemade spinach and fetta ravioli with napolitana
sauce - small size. Small serve of french beans. Mineral water.
What friend ordered: Garlic bread. 300g steak with chips, serve of
vegetables. Gelato. Lemon squash.

Jezzy's bill: $18.
Friend's bill: $38.

Amount each person paid: $30

I know she's a lawyer and therefore probably has switched off the
trigger that says "Alert, alert, you are ripping someone off!!" but
still, isn't this unfair? I just ate some really expensive pasta and
she got a discount off her meal.
If it happened once, fine. But this is all the time - she always does this.
What to do?

We are now officially the "rich bastards" who must be punished!

2008-05-14T14:57:00.001+10:00

Oh my goodness - I am so incensed!

So Treasurer Wayne Swan seems to think that everyone falls under two
definitions - they're either classified as "working families" or
"wealthy millionaires".

Under Labor's warped definitions, we seem to be "wealthy
millionaires." Ha!! I wish!
So we now we miss out because we earn more than the magic 150K mark?
And…by that same token, we must also not be one of the "working
families" who Labor is so keen to support.
What nonsense.

I understand the reasons for wanting to means test such things, and I
agree that there's people dripping in diamonds out there who really
don't need it but I am really angry that this is based on gross income
which can bear absolutely no relation to disposable income.

Seriously, everyone has different circumstances and slogging high
income earners in such a blanket way is just a typical Labor stunt.

Kevin and Wayne, women like me have worked really hard to get where we
are. There's years of study and hard work involved. Cash bonuses like
the 5K Baby Bonus aren't a welfare payment, they're just what they are
- a bonus payment for having a baby!

It's worth a good month's salary to me! This is important - if I have
kids, I want to be able to take a least a year off work and this kind
of scheme really helps.

It's been so long that I forgot what life was like under a lefty government...

That's right - I'm supposed to move to a rental place Bankstown, get
work as a low-paid receptionist and become a single mother to five
kids. Then I'll get classified as a "working family doing it tough"
and I'll get all sorts of payments coming my way!!

Hate and Love

2008-05-13T14:27:00.001+10:00

Hate:

1. The Australia Post at Macquarie Shopping Centre. For many reasons
but mainly for the tall girl who works there. She is a complete form
nazi. They are so frustrating me at the moment that they make top of
the list. (All to do with my application for a new passport. Try
making an appointment there - just try - it's actually impossible
without going into the shop and waiting in the queue - which can be
for an hour if you have to go during your lunch break - and that's
just to make the appointment! Or you can call and get transferred for
half an hour and still not speak to anyone).
Grrr.

2. Brigitte from Big Brother for being a vacuous, pointless, Paris
Hilton-wannabe, waste of existence. I hate girls like that - stupid,
self-centred and spoilt with no feelings for anyone else.
And it would actually be funny to watch if it wasn't for the fact that
she's a clone of my husband's business partner's girlfriend! I don't
think it's possible to know how destructive such people can be until
you see the impact they have on friends and close ones.
She drives the business partner up the wall, he turns into a moody
bastard and take it out on my husband who gets all wound up about it
and then I stress.
And it shits me that this pointless, piece of brain-dead drivel has an
impact on me!

3. The current state and federal government who are reminding my why I
never vote Labor.
The state govt because of no improvements at all to roads and
transport in Sydney's Northern Beaches/North Shore for years and years
and years merely as punishment for being a Liberal heartland.
The federal govt for blaming high income earners for everything.

Hate the way that high income earners are punished for actually
working hard to get to be a high income earner!
And hate the way they think the more you earn, the more money you
spend so the best way to stop interest rate rises, all the problems in
the world etc. is to stop high income earners having money to spend.
Hate this socialist government. Seriously - I had more spending power
when I had half as much money coming in, because on 50K, I had a tiny
mortgage and no other expenses.

Higher end earners have always be penalised by Labor govts for working
hard and being paid accordingly. We already pay 45% tax on wages,
having put ourselves through years of university and additional study
to get to where we are. By the time our wages have gone towards tax,
huge mortgage of living in a nice part of Sydney and also providing
housing for renters, food and petrol and bills, bills, bills, plus
saving up to have a baby in the future, there isn't much left.
Would they rather I quit my job and claimed welfare? I think I'd be better off.

Love:

1. Choir performances. We had another performance last Sunday - yay -
love it. Love the music - so wonderful.

2. Sweet About Me by Gabrielle Cilmi. It's just stuck in my head. Great song.

3. Hubby. He's all so lovely and sweetness.

It's funny how it's easier to rant about what I hate!

Because there's nothing like revisiting a retro meme...

2008-05-02T17:25:00.001+10:00

Quiz Thingy

10 Favorites
~
Favorite Season:
Summer because there's so many events happening in this city

Favorite Sport:
Dancing really badly

Favorite Time:
Home time

Favorite Colour:
Dark red

Favorite Actor:
Hmmm, not too sure.

Favorite Actress:
Cate Blanchett, although she's getting a little too overexposed. I'm
not too keen on actors playing politics.

Favorite Ice Cream:
New Zealand Natural Cookies and Cream

Favorite Food:
Pasta with fresh pesto

Favorite Drink:
Diet coke

Favorite Place:
My house

~~~

9 Currents
~
Current Feeling:
Nothing. Which is good - at least it's not sad.

Current Underwear Color:
Ahem. Let me check. Dark pink.

Current Windows Open:
Outlook, Word, Access, IE

Current Drink:
Ovaltine

Current Time:
5pm (oooh - hometime!)

Current Mobile(s):
Nokia - a hand-me-down.

Current Show on TV:
I don't know - I'm at work!

Current Thought:
My contact lenses are a bit dry.

Current Clothes:
Dark jeans (it's Friday), dark blue cashmere jumper, black ballet-style shoes

~~~

8 Firsts
~
First Nickname:
Jez

First Kiss:
I was drunk and 17. He was a very nice boy who I then dated for three
months and dumped. He's a bus driver these days.

First Crush:
Hmmm, Carl in year 4. He was really smart and is now a good looking lawyer.

First Best Friend:
Joanne. Who wasn't the sharpest tool in the box. She's now a mother
of, I dunno, three, I think. Unmarried and living with her parents. We
lost contact.

First Vehicle I drove:
1979 Holden Sunbird. Yep - my age.

First one I owned:
Our cute Mazda3 hatch who is really sweet. We love him. Hubby wants to
replace him with a more upmarket car. I think that's so mean. Zoom
Zoom is part of the family!

First Job:
Bakery assistant

First Movie:
ET

First Pet:
Random fish

First Shave:
Legs when I was 12. Using my Dad's razor. As you do when you're 12.

~~~

7 Lasts
~
Last Drink:
Tea

Last Kiss:
My lovely, lovely hubby this morning.

Last Time I drove:
Last weekend to my Aunt's house

Last Time Shaved:
Underarms - regularly!

Last Web Site Visited:
www.smh.com.au

Last Movie Watched:
Be Kind Rewind. It was okay.

Last Pill I Had:
Ibuprofen two days ago for a headache caused by the really cold
weather in the evening. Makes my teeth hurt!

~~~

6 Have You Evers
~
Have You Ever Broken the Law:
Speeding a bit when I was on my P plates. I'm really a good girl - I
have nothing juicy to add here!

Have You Ever Been Drunk:
A lot once I turned 18. Rarely since I turned 22. You get over it.

Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know:
See answer for previous question.

Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire or Bomb Blast:
Nope.

Have You Ever Skinny Dipped:
Once, maybe, in the pool at home when no one else was around.

Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart:
I don't think so. Except for the bus driver mentioned above. But I'm
sure he got over it after 5 minutes.

~~~

5 Things
~
You Can Hear Right Now:
A photocopier. People typing.

Things on Your Bed:
Sheets, quilt, pillows, teddy bear. Just the standard things.

Things You Ate Today:
Breakfast - ham and cheese sandwich, Lunch - turkey, spinach and
beetroot sandwich with miso soup.

Also a Raffelo chocolate, an apple and cinnamon muffin bar, a few
pieces of ginger candy, some mouthfuls of Ovaltine from the tin until
I started to feel sick, a mandarin, an apple, a hot chocolate and
numerous cups of tea (oh my goodness, I really hoover up crap between
meals, not wonder I can't get rid of the muffin top!)

Things You Can't Live Without:
My husband and my parents. And food, shelter, etc.

Things You Do When You Are Bored:
Burn time online, surf Facebook, read blogs, read the SMH.
Revisit a retro meme...

~~~

4 Places
~
You Have Been today:

Home
Work
Macquarie shopping centre
That's it.

~~~

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now
~
Highlighters
Mug
Tin of Ovaltine

~~~

2 Choices
~
Black or White:
Black

Hot or Cold:
Hot

~~~

1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die
~
Explode with joy.

things

2008-04-29T12:12:00.001+10:00

1. Our first choir concert for the year was really lovely. We have a
smaller chorale concert coming up on Mother's Day.
Me like singing in concerts.

2. I cut my hair off.
Kinda on a whim but as it turns out, it was a big deal! My long curls
defined me dammit - like that whatzit girl, Felicity. Although, I have
to say, I like the short bouncy curls. My hair feels so much more
healthy as well. And I feel a bit more grown up.

3. I've been unwell over the long weekend which really sucked. I think
I'm letting myself get run down - not enough fruits, veggies and water
- I never usually get sick but at the moment, I feel really wiped out.

4. I really, really enjoyed the Big Brother launch last night - the
characters were great! Loved the guy who believes in UFOs and the
other one with the squeaky voice, oh, and the one who escaped from the
cult. Not to mention the midget, the grandma and the abbatoir worker.
This is good - I tuned out last year due to boredom (they were all
bland and blonde - why?) so I have high hopes for good, voyeuristic
entertainment this year.

5. Is it possible to go out in this fair city these days without
coming across an ex-reality TV contestant? I think I've come across
someone from almost every season of every reality show. On Saturday I
saw Vanessa from So You Think You Can Dance Australia (is that name
long enough?) chowing down on some sushi in Chatwood.

6. I'm glad that SBS are soon to screen the next season of Skins. That
show is brilliant.

7. I have almost finished draft 6, I think, of the paper I want to
publish - gaah - I hate having things like that at the back of my
mind.

8. It's fucking freezing. Seriously, what happened? I left work
yesterday evening and stepped outside and, excuse my french, but I
thought my tits were going to freeze off! It was fine during my lunch
break - what's going on!?

9. I have to get passport photos done for a new passport. I hate
passport photos. I'm also due for a new driver's license this year. I
hate my driver's license photo. Gaah - me do not like the people who
take those photos at the RTA as they are crappy photo-takers.

Howdy

2008-04-17T16:19:00.001+10:00

I'm laughing here at the lobbyists trying to change schools from using
terms like "Mum and Dad" etc, who want the term "partner" used instead
to refer to all relationships so that there's no discrimination.

How ridiculous.

I really, really hate that word. There's one person I work with who
always asks me "how's your partner?" when referring to my husband and
it really annoys me!
Is this just me here?

Partner is such a cop out word. The only people who use is are trying
to validate a relationship that isn't a marriage.

Seriously, there's nothing wrong with girlfriend/boyfriend - why not
just use that - why be ashamed of that? I'd even have more respect for
the tongue-in-cheek term "lover". But the use of partner outside of a
business/law/sporting relationship is just really try hard.

That's what I reckon anyway.

Over Committed

2008-04-12T15:17:00.001+10:00

Life feels like a never-ending cycle at the moment.
I'm working at the pharma company full time, practising as a
pharmacist on Saturdays, marking papers for graduate pharmacy
students, trying to write up some more PhD research for publication,
writing an abstract for the conference I'm presenting in September
(yay - am being paid to go to Switzerland!)

Then there's the student I have once a week for piano and violin
lessons, three hours of choir and chorale a week - not including the
practice needed.

I hardly get out to see friends which is pretty bad - as most
evenings, I either visit with my parents or my aunt and cousins. Plus
at the moment, I'm helping to take care of my grandma on weekends.

So right now, it's Saturday, and I don't even feel like going out
tonight. I just want sleep. I need an extra day per week just to catch
up because I don't have enough time to dedicate to my house and garden
and there's a dead, headless possum in my front garden and it's just
so completely disgusting and people should not have cats in this
country because they kill our native wildlife and are evil.

So...

...if I feel this frazzled, and I don't even have kids yet, how am I
going to cope when I'm a proper grown-up with kidlets in my care??

Sacred

2008-04-04T16:02:00.001+11:00

Thanks for the tips, readers! I'm not going to the party, we proposed
to take him out to dinner another night.
As for my Dad, his court case is at the end of this month.

In other news, my Aunt started chemo yesterday. She'll have 6 cycles -
one every three weeks. Hopefully this wont be too bad and hopefully
it'll work.

I have some good news - the person at work who really, really get's on
my nerves because of her over-competitiveness with me - is pregnant!
Yay! She'll be gone for a year and then will only be back part time.

How I rejoiced at the news of the imminent child.

(Yes I am really, really shallow but tis nice to be able to get rid of
the competition - it's been driving me nuts!)

I'm really enjoying choir at the moment.

Even though I've sung in various choirs for 20 years now and have sung
in Latin many times before, it's only now that I've really been hit
with the sheer beauty of the language and the music. We're currently
singing this Latin Mass and it's so majestic. For the first time it
made me think that in our efforts to make religion accessible, so much
can be lost - people my age don't have a clue about such music unless
we specifically study it. Even if we do go to church, we don't get to
hear such stuff unless we go special Mass - and such events have an
air of snobbery about it - I don't like that either - it should be for
everyone, it's not as inaccessible as people think.

The role of art, beauty and music in religion should never be underestimated.

Too often are "classic" hymns sung like a dying age cat crying out for
food - and too often are they replaced with cringe-worthy "happy
clappy" stuff aimed at the "young people". I hate to say it, but I
changed the time of Mass I attend to avoid the "youth Mass" because I
couldn't take the PowerPoint projector with lyrics to Shine, Jesus,
Shine and some 14 year old playing the guitar while everyone trying to
encourage the congregation to wave their hands in the air like they
just don't care. It sounds mean, but I don't want to sit through that
- it feels fake and it makes the baby Jesus cry.

What I never truly realise before though, is how powerful some pieces
of music can be in a religious sense. Widor's Mass sounds so
transcendental, so sacred and so commanding. I almost end up in tears
by the end as I feel it in my mind, my heart and my gut.

Singing this, being inside this music, is so amazing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUztsFXpoHg

How do I get out of it? Advice please...

2008-03-28T13:32:00.000+11:00

So what's the ettiquette when a friend invites you to his birthday
party but it's at the races on a Saturday morning and it's going to
cost $140 (that's US$129) per head and with two people, it's going to
be, well, $280 and you really can't afford it, and even if you could,
you can't justify spending that amount of money on a 27th birthday
party for someone who is old enough to know better than to expecty his
friends to cough up that much money on him?

And what do you say to get out of it without being labelled a tightarse?

In other news, my Dad got picked up last night for drink driving.
He blew a 0.055. Hubby and I picked him up from the police station.

I have to say, I have no sympathy for the nagging my Mum is going to
give him for the rest of his life. My poor mum had been stranded at
the side of the road because she doesn't drive. Hubby drove her home
and I drove Dad home - they needed to be separated as she was shaking
and would have ripped his head off. He's just such a larrikin about it
all - I really hope he grows up and learns his lesson because he can't
run his business if he loses his license.

Crazy 8s

2008-03-19T16:52:00.000+11:00

So I found this on Grant's blog some time ago, saved it, and figured I'd do it some time when I got bored.

So here it is...

8 things I’m passionate about:

1. Hubby
2. Family
3. Good food
4. Good music
5. Good books
6. Good movies
7. Growing flowers
8. Being a super-acheiver without trying too hard

8 things I want to do before I die:

1. Have kids - nice ones who say things like "Mummy, can I help you with the ironing? I do so love to help you, Mummy." Nice kids. I don't want those horrible bratty things you see all too often these days. (Yes, in my head, my kids speak in dulcet English tones using perfect Received Pronounciation.)

2. Cultivate my passive-aggressive tendancies so I can use them for good and not for evil.

3. Spend a month in Italy doing general touristy things and eating and waving my hands in the air, gesturing wildly, as I talk.

4. Learn how to drive more assertively - without constantly getting stuck behind buses in peak hour traffic.

5. Pay off my mortgage miraculously before I hit 35, thus removing massive burden linked to ridiculous property prices in this part of Sydney and stupid, stupid rising interest rates.

6. Win the lottery and be able to donate all the money to family. I won't need any of it because I paid off the mortgage already and am no longer burdened by bank.

7. Think up a brilliant business idea for Hubby in which I act as the silent partner providing guidance while he runs with it and gets all the glory, thus removing him from his current situation with a business partner who I don't really like because I can't stand arrogant people who have no reason to be so full of themselves.

8. Stop being so judgemental of people.

8 things I often say:

1. Um
2. Okay
3. Kinda like
4. Yep…so, yeah.
5. I dunno.
6. Are you serious?
7. Excitement!
8. Yay!

8 books I’ve read recently:

1. The Geraldine Conspiracy - Anne Chambers (I didn't like it and didn't finish it. I only chose it for the title.)
2. The Blind Assasin - Margaret Atwood. (Oooooh - love her stuff! Want to obsessively read all her books!)
3. Gardening Australia Magazine. (Can this count as book?)
4. The Hogfather - Terry Pratchett - after seeing the TV adaptation over Christmas.
5. Stardust - Neil Gaiman
6. Falling Angels - Tracy Chevalier
7. Making Money - Terry Pratchett
8. Can I count the multitude of scientific articles I read all the time?

Three of the above books were re-read (or in the case of Stardust, listened to as an audiobook - it was better listening to than reading that one). I always think that it's nice to revisit good books after a couple of years.

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over:

1. Raspberry Swirl - Tori Amos (my fav "walking with ipod" tune - because it makes the walk a strut.)
2. Emily - Joanna Newsom
3. Fidelity - Regina Spector
4. Space They Cannot Touch - Kate Miller-Heidke
5. Bertie - Kate Bush (I know she wrote it about her son, but to me, it's about Hubby - all sweetness and light "luverly, luverly, luverly, luverly Hubby" and "you give me so much joy, then you give me…more joy…")
6. Perfect Now - Sarah Blasko
7. George - Special Ones
8. Flame Trees - Cold Chisel

8 things that attract me to my best friends:

1. They're so cute just for being special in their own special way.
2. Their diversity. It's hard to write this list as I really like such different people.
3. Funnyness.
4. Quirkyness.
5. Sweetness.
6. Being able to contact them only every 6 months or so, but still knowing that they luv me and that they know I am not ignoring them.
7. Funny emails that make me laugh at work.
8. Their willingness to want to be friends with me. (Why? Why??!)

8 people I think should do Crazy 8s

You, you, you. You, you. You, you and oh yeah, you.

2008-02-26T14:32:00.002+11:00

My aunt's (mum's older sister) operation has been moved forward to today. She's having a total hysterectomy and I suppose the surgeon will visually inspect for further spread of the cancer before she has scans and further lab tests later on in the week. It's very scary to think about what stage she'll be at, knowing how long she's been symptomatic.

Grandma and another aunt (mum's younger sis) arrived from Malaysia last week. Grandma stayed at our house over the weekend. It really made me appreciate how hard it is for that aunt to take care of Grandma full time. It's non-stop and quite exhausting.

Don't get me wrong - life is not a black hole at the moment. It's been nice spending practically everyday with extended family. It's all about staying positive, I suppose, and spending loads of time enjoying each other's company.

2008-02-19T16:43:00.001+11:00

My aunt (mum's sister) was diagnosed with uterine cancer yesterday.

It's just so shocking - and frustrating. I mean, she's been through enough in the past couple of years - including a very painful divorce. How much more can one person take?

We wont know much more until her operation in a couple of weeks, but at the moment, we do know that it's stable - however, the extent of the spread could be very bad indeed. I don't think her oncologist was very positive when he was telling her about what he saw during her D&C.

She's had symptoms for two years and like a typical health professional, never did anything about it.

Anyway, my grandma and another aunt are coming to Australia for a holiday, arriving tommorow. They haven't been told about it yet as there's no point in worrying them during their flight over here. Actually, we don't know if we're going to tell grandma at all. It's not good to withhold information, but in the elderly, things like the c word can cause such a shock that they find it hard to recover.

My mum and my cousins and, well, all the family are just really upset about it at the moment.

Stuff happens that is just so weird.

I'm back - and exhausted!

2008-02-16T15:23:00.001+11:00

Thanks so much for the helpful and supportive comments to my last post. I wuvs you all. x

It's funny, because after that horrible work week, I had a great one last week. I was involved in conducting some presentations and got to spend time in Melbourne and Brisbane as well as here in Sydney. I got some great feedback and decided that they must like me if they're going to invest in sending me around the place to do such things.

So that was a bit of okay.

2008-02-07T14:39:00.001+11:00

I'm more annoyed at myself than anyone else at my continuing ability
to go around the place being a complete wallflower. It's seriously
frustrating when the less talented or the less qualified shine out and
are given all manner of recognition and opportunities while I might as
well be invisible for the all the impact I seem to make.

But as Hubby tells me, I am seriously my own worst enemy for knowing
all these things and still not being assertive enough.

Being the nice girl just doesn't work to get one ahead in this world.

mirror, mirror...

2008-01-23T15:48:00.001+11:00

You know when you have those mornings when you get out of bed in your
undies and stare at yourself in the full length mirror and think "Wow
– I look pretty hot – I've lost loads of weight and my hair is all
messy in a sexy, just-out-of-bed way" and then you put on your glasses
and see that you're just as frumpish and messy as you normally look in
the morning?

Reality is so much better when it's out of focus.

January

2008-01-18T14:12:00.001+11:00

I'm being really anti-social here - but something happened...

...I joined Facebook.

Don't hate me!
It seems to be the thing that all the other 18-35s are doing! Even if
I have no interest in gathering 500 "friends", it's been nice to throw
a few hellos to people I haven't seen in a while.

Hubby is loving it.

Unlike me, he lost touch with all of his highschool friends 12 years
ago so he's been doing the big catch-up thing. All the people he went
to school with in South London look dodgy as anything, seem to still
be renting in the same neighbourhood, working in the local
supermarket, with three kids and no spouse.
I had to ask Hubby what kind of bogan, trashy school he went to!!

Apart from the crazy weather, this month has been good.
Love Sydney Festival and all the free things on this time of year:

- Loved the Brian Wilson concert in the Domain.
- Looking forward to the Sydney Symphony tommorow - hopefully it doesn't rain!
- Will try and catch some free movies at Olympic Park.
- Will definately catch Katie Noonan and Kate Miller-Heidke at the
Australia Day concert next week.
- Will also check out both Shakespeare By the Sea plays at Balmoral Beach.

Hubby's a bit stressed about work. It's all going well, but it's not
always easy to get along with his business partner who is a bit of an
arrogant little shit. He doesn't take on feedback well, stick to
processes, listen to other people's opinions or, well, work hard. And
I am NOT going to say "I told you so" because, really, they are doing
very well - it's just a personality thing that's really getting to
Hubby. They've just got to make it work.

...did I say sometime before that I hate being a grown-up with grown-up issues?

what I did on my summer holidays...

2008-01-04T12:11:00.001+11:00

So I launched into talking about food! That's how I start the New Year, is it?!

I mean, I *have* resolved to be healthy and lose weight and all the
usual January promises - but I *still* go on imaginary binges!

Okay. Let's take a step back.

I enjoyed the Christmas holiday break.

We went away with another couple to the Shoalhaven area for the
weekend before Christmas (a couple of hours drive south of Sydney,
along the coast.) It was just lovely to relax and get away.

We resolved the issue with Hubby's driving license suspension. It just
goes to show - you can access *real people* in
government-agency-call-centre hell! You just need to be a bit clever
about it - such as using the number supplied for overseas callers so
that instead of getting put on hold, the same two people answer the
phone straight away every time! Anyway, with much harassment from my
end - consisting of spamming them with evidence of Hubby's innocence
and arguing against all suggestions from them that he elect to go on a
good behaviour bond (because it makes their paperwork easier), I got
the whole thing revoked. In writing. From both government agencies
involved. Before Christmas even! Yay me!

And Christmas was wonderful. My cousin and her family were visiting
from Perth. She has three kids and it was the first time (since we
were kids) that we had children around for Christmas. It certainly
changes things in a very nice way. They were good kids - great to hang
out with.

The three Opera House concerts were fantastic. I just loved the
feeling of being on stage in a full house in the Concert Hall with
such talented performers. I had a total schoolgirl crush on the
conductor! I loved the music. It's such a high to be part of that.

NYE was nice. We just wanted a simple one this year - Hubby's still
not in the celebratory mood at all and it's been hard on him.
Christmas was hard. It's still weird, you know - that he can't just
pick up the phone and call his Dad. It was just so sudden. Anyway.

We caught the fireworks - very, very pretty - avoided the crowds,
didn't drink much and went to bed early...

...and thought the usual thoughts about how much happens in just one
year and how quickly it all went by.

Perfect Day

2008-01-03T12:31:00.001+11:00

I would so love...

To start with a yummy fruit platter - with gorgeous, fresh, tropical
fruits - hmmmm.

Then - a coffee tasting expedition. Sampling wonderful aromatic brews
from around the world.

For lunch - cheese platter! All sorts of beautifully crafted cheeses
from squishy, baked garlic Camemberts to stinky Stiltons.

And - a beautiful selection of breads - crusty baguettes, olive
sourdoughs, flaky roti chanai - yum!

And after that - wine tasting. From crispy whites, through to
sparkling Shiraz and ending in the stickies.

Following that - chocolate tasting - from delicate milks to the
deepest of darks.

Bliss.

Wrap-up 2007 and resolutions 2008

2007-12-18T15:16:00.002+11:00

2007 Highlights:

Graduating as a PhD (and thereby joining the exclusive "PhD before 30"
club!)

Enjoying the quiet suburban life with Hubby and discovering the pleasures
of gardening (whilst turning into an old granny!)

Getting a promotion and joining the ranks of people who can take sad,
frivolous pleasure from putting "Senior" before their titles in email
signatures.

Re-joining a choir and singing in two different concerts.

2007 Lowlights:

Seeing the pain Hubby is going through with his Dad's unexpected death.

Feeling like I've become one of those people who have stressy shit going on
in their lives all the time.

2008 Resolutions:

I will bind the final copies of my PhD thesis, even if I'll only use it for
bookends!

I will finish writing the research paper that I've carried around in my
handbag all year (oh god, that's so sad).

I will stop being paranoid about esoteric crap such as "never reaching my
potential as a person" and similar introspective nonsense.

I will grow a backbone and learn to not let people walk all over me.

I will stop binging on chocolate just because it's there.

I will keep up with the nice 20 min morning, lunch and evening walks that
I've been doing.

I will do a better job keeping in touch will all my lovely friends.

We're going away in a couple of days - just for a mini-break before
Christmas (yay!)
So here's my Christmas message to you all:

Thanks for reading, thanks for all your supportive comments, hugs to all of
you. It's been lovely reading you and getting to know you.

Have a safe, peaceful and joyful Christmas and love to all your families.

Jezzy
xxx

----------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent using IMP, the Internet Messaging Program.

End of year meme - stolen from deemacgee

2007-12-10T18:32:00.001+11:00

1) Where did you begin 2007?

Enjoying fireworks at the Harbour. Been doing it every year since I was a
teen and I still don't tire of it. There's nothing nicer than spending the
evening sipping fizzy vino and stuffing one's face with yummy finger food
while sitting on a picnic rug on a warm NYE night. Bliss.

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?

Married. As I have been since a certain Valentine's Day in 2004!

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?

Nope – for once!

4) How did you earn your money?

Working in the legal side of drug dealing.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?

Only to visit others. Touch wood, but the last time I was in hospital for
myself was when I had my tonsils out in 1992.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?

Not this year! No one is falsely accusing my husband of assault at the
moment, thank God! (And, regarding this btw, I have completely lost all
hope that most people in the world are good at heart. How could I have
been so naïve? There are bad, bad people out there who think nothing of
hurting those closest to them.)

7) Where did you go on holiday?

Malaysia and China – it was great. And I went to England, but that wasn't
really a holiday at all. We're hoping to spend a few days down the south
coast somewhere over the Christmas break recuperating. Someone has some
holiday house somewhere around there.

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?

Airline tickets to England paying that off is gonna eat up most of my
Christmas bonus – but I suppose that's what things like that are useful
for – those extra bits of money which cover all the unexpected expenses
when you're feeling broke. Apart from that, we're still in a
post-purchasing-house-mortgage-meltdown-period and have tried avoiding
anything too costly.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?

Yes, a good friend from my PhD years got married in September and had a
lovely wedding.

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?

Yes, and it still seems not real.

12) Did you move anywhere?

Nope. I'm such a homebody that I bought a house 5 mins away from where I
grew up. You can't pick this girl up and dump her somewhere else!

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?

Oooh, not as many this year as usual, actually. I was lucky enough to get
to see a lovely production La Traviata at the Opera House at the start of
the year. I sung in a choir in a concert in October (but I hate that I
never actually get to *see* the concert when I'm in it!). I'm singing
again in the same choir in three performances at the Opera House in a few
weeks' time (gaaah – three hour rehearsal tonight!)
I probably saw a couple of plays...but I'm having a mental blank at the
moment.

15) Are you registered to vote?

Of course. This is Australia and I don't want to be fined!

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?

n/a at the moment. Besides, it was so crap this year and I'm not watching
next year – I hate Kyle – I can't believe how stupid he is!

17) Where do you live now?

Sydney. Although that means a lot - it's a wide, spread out city. I'm in
the suburbs. But not in a wanky/swanky area and not in that horrible
south-western, sprawling wasteland and not in the soulless north-western
Bible belt. I'm in sweet, relaxing, safe suburban Sydney and I hope it
stays that way!

18) Describe your birthday.

Fairly ordinary, as always. So ordinary, I can't remember it! (Or I'm going
senile). That being said, I'm sure I got some lovely gifts and nice words
from the people who really matter.

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?

Gosh. Go unexpectedly to England? Be at the funeral of poor Hubby's daddy?
That's the reoccurring theme in this meme.

20) What has been your favourite moment?

Hmmm, this is hard. I guess knowing that I really do have good friends who
really do care about me after all. That bit's nice.

21) What's something you learned about yourself?

That being a "nice girl" will be my downfall with regards to my career.

Watch while I let vile people stomp all over me while I'm too frozen to do
anything about it.
Watch while I yet again let all my potential go to waste.
Watch while my Performance Reviews state the same thing as my school
reports did: "She is a very diligent worker but very quiet."
Bleh. I have gone nowhere and I'm still in the same social mess I was in 20
years ago.
I got a fairly good promotion two weeks ago and felt nothing. It's that
whole issue of having the mean girls overpowering me even though they're
less talented and certainly less nice.
But I don't want to not be me just so I can get ahead, just so I can be
noticed. There's got to be away I can be less invisible yet not annoying
or up myself.

On the other hand, I have a bit more perspective about all of this – I know
at the end of the day, it's just work.

But I spend too much time here and I care too much about what others think
and I mull too much about why I'm such a wallflower to not worry about it.

22.) Any new additions to your family?

Nope. I did get clucky after spending time with my cute niece, but I'm not
ready yet.

Stay tuned...

23.) What was your best month?

Well, October was going really, really well but I jinxed it all by saying
"looks like life is finally calming down". I will never do that again!

24.) Where will you be ending 2007?

Probably in a very similar way to which it started. It's all cyclical,
isn't it?
Despite everything, it's been a pretty good year. There's been some
heartbreak and sadness, but it's not pushed us apart. I'm sad still but
it's okay, you know?

There's been good news – Hubby was recently declared cancer-free after two
years and that means there's a low chance of it ever coming back!

That's great! But I also don't want to have to deal with such things.

I think another thing I've learnt from 2007 is that things aren't going to
get all better someday. There will always be shit to deal with and there's
no use in postponing life until such things resolve thinking "I'll be happy
when such-and-such is over and then maybe we can think about starting to do
such-and-such" because sometimes there isn't time and there certainly isn't
a "good time" for it.

I just wish for some peace in our lives.
At least for this time of year.

----------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent using IMP, the Internet Messaging Program.

just a bit fed up...

2007-12-08T11:00:00.000+11:00

Just because we don't already have enough stress in our lives...

Hubby has had his driver's license suspended due to some stupidity on behalf of his business partner.

The work cars are in Hubby's name and his business partner copped a speeding fine on a double-demerit weekend - 6 points off his license.
The bill was due while we were away in England and instead of filling in a stat dec to get the fine changed to his own name, he paid it - which meant the points were taken off Hubby's license, bringing Hubby's total demerits for the past 3 years to 12 - instant license suspension! Gaah!!

We're trying to fix this but with the limited working days until it comes into effect in January, I dunno what's going to happen.
Hubby needs the car to run his business!
Hubby's good at not getting angry at people but I'm furious at the stupidity/lazyness of his business partner. Surely someone with a degree can read a basic form that says "Do not pay this fine if the person named above was not the driver at the time of the incident"?!

A tenant in one of our properties hasn't paid rent for 6 weeks. I'm a reasonable person and I understand he's broken up with his girlfriend and lost his job and must be depressed or something. But that doesn't mean he can mess up my place that I own and not even pay anything at all to be there. There was no attempt to pay a little at a time until he found a new job - and the place smells like piss. Why? It's a nice place in a really good area - why should I let him stay there for free while we're really broke right now? So the little fucker can add a tenant's blacklisting and an eviction to his list of Christmas presents. Even if we claim the bond, it wont cover the lost rent or cost to clean up the place - and it's not easy to get tenants this time of year - most people would wait until January at this point. *sigh*

Hubby is still really down about his Dad. Maybe even deeper than before as the knowledge sinks in that he wont see him ever again. It's so sad and I feel so useless.

Makes me think...is life going to be permanently stressful?

Will there be some point in the future where I'm not riding on a sea of drama?

No?
Okay, as long as I know.
I can deal with that.

Thanks for Family

2007-11-27T18:29:00.000+11:00

On Sunday I woke up and Hubby was crying.

He'd spent most of the night on the phone to his siblings in England. The hardest thing about being back in Sydney is that he can't connect with his siblings like he did when he was there.

And it wasn't just about his Dad dying. Or maybe it is. You see, it took for his Dad to die for all four siblings to finally meet and to finally all get to know each other.

The two eldest children were from a first marriage and Hubby and his older sister were from a second marriage.

Neither marriage lasted long and none of the four children got to know their father until they were older. Hubby met his Dad when he was 15.

Thing is, his Dad was a good guy who had terrible taste in women and who was clueless about creating a sensible, lasting relationship with a good, down-to-earth woman. He had an everlasting series of wives and girlfriends - all were headstrong, moody and firey - and also self-centred and vain. He was always optimistic about relationships at the start but was the type to dive in too quick - he really needed all the bells and whistles and fireworks associated with falling in lust but, as with all relationships like that, they fizzed out pretty quickly. However, he didn't take any nonsense and could back out just as fast, prefering to cut ties rather than fix things.

So all four kids grew up without a father.

But they realised what a great guy he was once they got to know him and all four children independantly ended up much closer to him than to their mothers. He wasn't a typical Dad at all. He was the most unpredictable, exciting person to be around - and even though he frustrated everyone at times, he was also very genuine.

Even if he had backed away from raising his children, once his three grandchildren came along, he loved it!

In the few months of his life, he finally broke off ties with the last of his evil girlfriends, he sold his flashy speedboat and bought a sensible family boat so he could go away with the grandkids. He kept in touch with his children heaps more, sending photos of each other to all the others and telling them all they they'd really like each other if they ever met.

So even though Hubby had never met his older brother, we'd seen numerous photos of him with his daughters, going out on the boat, having lots of family time.

We'd also been sent a DVD of Hubby's Dad with his youngest grandchild (she's the one in the photo) and he really seemed to enjoy just being with her.

The sad thing was that Hubby and I hadn't had kids yet, but we made sure that we brought home items from the house that we could use to tell our future children about their grandfather - a stuffed toy, some beautiful artworks, a set of Beatrix Potter books - because he would be so pleased now to see that all four of his children finally got together.

And they got along really, really well. And it shouldn't have taken for him to die for them all to finally meet each other.

Hubby is happy that he finally feels he has proper family in England - two sisters and a sister-in-law, a brother and a brother-in-law, and three gorgeous nieces. Having them around, and having the children around, made things so much easier. And also really lovely. You can't be too sad when there's kids about, especially if there's a cute widdle baby there.

Yesterday, we created an album for each of the four siblings containing pictures of all the things we did together as one family while we were in England for the three weeks.

On the back page, there's a picture of Hubby's father's beautiful garden on the river.

The title of the book is "Family" and the book is inscripted: "Thanks Dad".

Back home

2007-11-21T11:50:00.000+11:00

We arrived back from England this morning.
This is just a quick post to let you know we're safe and sound.

It's been a busy and emotional last few weeks - I think it'll take a while to get used to it - it was all just such a shock.

I've never thought before how much work it is to organise a funeral and to deal with the amount of paperwork required when someone dies - particularly if they owned a business. But those things keep you going too - we were so busy with it in the first week that it provided a numbing momentum to move on and not get too caught up with the reality of it.

It's really devastating and I get upset whenever I think about it and whenever I remember the tone Hubby's words when he found out over the phone - "My Dad died" - we just both collapsed.

Gav's father was larger-than-life and a rather notorious character. He was a permanent bachelor and regarded himself as a bit of a James Bond.

He left behind four children, three grandchildren and a very special dog. He was an active, adventurous 61 year old who could drive people around the bend with his neverending energy but a lot of people had a lot of affection for him.

I'm so sad for my husband - it's been really upsetting and strange. There were also some really nice moments though - like getting to know his 40-year-old older brother who he'd never met. I think we'll stay in close contact with him and his family - Hubby really hit it off with them all.

I'm back at work tommorow and will write more then. Thanks for all your comments.

be back soon...

2007-11-16T09:03:00.001+11:00

..but thanks 4 the comments.

I am still around but have been in England for the last couple of
weeks. Hubby's Dad died unexpectedly. Will write more next week.

Five year plans...

2007-10-24T15:06:00.001+10:00

First of all, I am not ignoring you!

Every so often blogs are blocked at work so at the moment I can only
read you all using Google Reader and can't comment on your posts -
sorry. But I am here, I am reading your blogs, I am writing you
subliminal comments in my head which I am attempting to transport to
you telepathically. Okay?

In other news, the other day I was asked to speak to a group of final
year students at my former Faculty about career choices etc etc. One
person asked me "So what's your five year plan for your career?"

I hate that question.

I'm asked that every six months at my performance review, I had no
idea how to answer it in job interviews, I just don't know what to
say! It's not that I'm not ambitious – I am! I just tend to do things
as they come – not for some particular reason.

It's like when people ask me why I chose to do a PhD and I just don't
have a sensible answer. It's not like I was planning to be an academic
or felt passionate about research – I just felt like doing a PhD.

And same now – I just feel like doing this job. Maybe later I won't,
maybe I will – why do I have to know what I'll be doing when I'm in my
30s? How can such things really be planned anyway?

On the other hand, my dear Hubby has a really defined five year plan.

He plans to earn twice as much by the end of next year so I can take
time off then to have a baby (eeek!)
Then he plans to grow his company so big that he sells it for enough
to pay off our mortgages so that we can live off our investment
properties and not have to work.
Then he plans to spend all his time doing charity work and helping
people in the community.
Finally, wants to open a stall selling freshly squeezed orange juice
in various markets on the weekend just so he can meet people and chat
with them and serve them juice.

Why is he so sure about what he can achieve (no matter how ambitious
it is) and why do I have no idea what I want?

Five year plans don't come that easy to me!

2007-10-19T16:19:00.001+10:00

I thought construction workers had changed.

I remember the old days of my long lost youth when I'd walk past a
building site and they'd whistle.

And then it kind of stopped.

Until yesterday when I walked past a building site and one said (yes,
said) "Boom chicka wah wah" at me.

It's moments like those when you want to think of a witty reply and
nothing comes and you just look at them and blink and keep walking and
wonder whether it's okay to feel strangely flattered by the attentions
of someone who obviously watches too much, um, TV.

Stardust

2007-10-15T17:03:00.001+10:00

We saw Stardust on the weekend.

I loved it! (And so did my husband and it rare for both of us to like
a film! He thinks my taste in books and movies is too kooky and
inaccessible, while I really don't like his taste in the very male
bang-bang-you're-dead genre.)

It'll please any Neil Gaiman fan and any Princess Bride fan – it was
just lovely, fun and glorious. It was one of those movies that left me
with a grinning sigh - which I still feel now thinking about it.

Plus, I now have a huge crush on the guy who played Tristan (even
though he was born in 1982 – eeek!) and Hubby has a crush on the woman
who played Una (which is good – I do note that he tends to find smart,
sultry 30-something women most appealing these days rather than those
younger, silly little blond, thin things. Tis a good sign.)

The film stands on its own as just as good as the novel (with some of
the violence and all of the sex taken out. It doesn't need it. The
plot has been simplified very well, the pace is perfect and it's
visually beautiful.)

So I saw a gorgeous fairytale and I had a lovely Saturday night date
with my husband.

Good for you?

2007-10-12T21:50:00.000+10:00

There are people who bring out your best, and others who bring out your worst.

I've found myself hanging out with someone quite a bit who really doesn't bring out the best in me.

It's not out of choice, mind you. It's hard to avoid someone you work with and who seems to like hanging out with you. It's nice to have someone who feels they can confide in you, but I really don't feel the same way back. It's just too bitchy for me. The more she bitches about the people around me, the more i see those people in a different light.

And i don't want to be like that.

I don't want to be the type of person who spends each lunch break bitching about people who I really don't give a shit about! Things just bother some people more than others.

On the other hand, other people in my life are so good for me. I might not always agree with them 100% of the time, but I feel good spending time with them. I like being with people who are genuine, not high maintainence, not petty.

At the start of the week, I wrote a list of the people I'd love to spend an afternoon hanging out with. And then I crossed off all the people who would spoil that afternoon. Without a doubt, they were the ones who are self-obsessed, who wouldn't make the effort to get along with my other friends, who I don't feel that comfortable around because they need to be impressed.

But then i felt bad about excluding the people who don't meet my criteria.

After all, I'm no angel.

I can bitch about people as good as the next former private school girl. It's in my blood!

Maybe it's not up to me to pick and choose the people who I am friends with. I have many lovely friends, but I also have friends who I only seem to spend time with because of proximity or history or because they're a stupid, self-centred, shallow little daddy's girl who annoys the crap out of me but who just happens to be dating my husband's business partner.

I suppose it's more important to be aware that some people are good for me, they help me learn about myself, they have things in common with me, they make me feel comfortable and liked. Others are people I just have to deal with. Some people are toxic and I should make sure i have my shields up in their vicinity. And others just seem to be there.

It's different in the blog world where it's easy to pick and choose people I like and ignore those who i can't be bothered with. It's completely different, actually. The whole way of fitting in and making friends and being a friend.

But all that's a completely different post...

As for now, I just need to learn to set the mute button in my head when people say things I don't want to hear.

10 things on your desk

2007-10-10T09:06:00.001+10:00

The 10 things on your desk meme (stolen from general_boy).

1. Cup of tea
2. Blue tooth ear piece
3. Lots of piles of paper – organised chaos
4. Calculator
5. Unread book – Fallen Angels by Tracy Chevalier
6. Half-knitted scarf
7. Hand cream
8. Guidelines for "Easy Office Stretches"
9. An empty glass from yesterday
10. Fork. Used sometime last month.

And what's on your desk?

Not 21 again...

2007-10-07T15:51:00.000+10:00

During the speeches at this 21st birthday party on Saturday night, there were many references to the birthday girl's antics during high school.

The person standing next to me said "Didn't you go to [insert name of high school]? Is that how you met [insert name of birthday girl]?"

To which I had to say "No. I think she was still in primary school when I was already at Uni."

And then I had one of those "omg, omg, omg - I'm getting old!" moments of panic and spent rest of the night looking for early signs of wrinkles in the fluorescent-lit bathroom mirrors.

But, you see, I also read this and it says that a woman is most beautiful between the ages of 25 and 35.

Apparently, 18 might be firm and pert but a woman that age is still an insecure girl, whereas 25-35 are the years of travel, marriage, babies and career - the exciting times where a woman knows who she is and her true worth. She is at the peak of her life emotionally, financially, style-wise and with regards to her lifestyle.

So yay - I am clearly in the midst of my peak!

Does this mean I can wait another seven years before I start panicking about getting older again?

The perils of bikini weather...

2007-10-04T17:01:00.001+10:00

Am trying to be healthy (okay - let's face it, I had my first swim of
the season the other day and that was just in my backyard pool - what
am I going to do when heading out to the local beaches? Gaah - must
tone up!) and so I joined the workplace Spartan-style training team.
It's really good.

We head down to a local oval twice a week at lunchtime, jog five laps,
do lots of push-ups, sit ups, things called "Marshalls", boxing,
medicine ball torture and then head back to work for a shower.

It's just about 5pm and I feel so awake and energised in comparison to
my usual "waaah - I wanna have an afternoon nap"-feel.
I think it's a really great idea.

(Let's see how long I keep this one up for!)

stolen from JPD

2007-10-03T10:11:00.001+10:00

My Reading:

I love books – I read a lot on the bus travelling to and from work and
at night. I usually read at least two books at the same time to suit
different moods.

I'm mostly a fiction reader - that's the escapist part of me. I rarely
read non-fiction.
I love books that make me think and feel like I'm in a different world.

I love Terry Pratchett for being able to combine intelligent comedy
and absurdist slapstick together with some terrific characters,
thoughtful social commentary, while setting the whole thing in a
fantasy world with strange parallels to our own. He's my type of guy.

And I love Neil Gaiman for his dark humour. And I am falling for
Margaret Atwood because of her style.

I also read lots of random crap on the Internet.

--
Total Number of Books Owned:

Dunno. Not heaps as I borrow stuff from my brother, from the book
exchange at work (what a fantastic idea that was!) and from the
library. Maybe a couple of hundred.

--
Last Book Bought:
Wintersmith – Terry Pratchett. I buy all his Discworld novels.

--
Last Book Read:

The Girl with a Pearl Earring - Tracy Chevalier – because the movie
was beautiful and haunting and I never could forget the images and the
feelings I felt at the time – both of frustration at identifying with
Griet and her relationships - and of the feelings I imagined *she*
much have felt, and also of being immersed in such a lovely, graceful
film. The book was just as lovely and allowed the reader to get inside
Griet's head.

Alias Grace – Margaret Atwood. Everything I read by this woman
impresses the hell out of me. Oryx and Crake was fantastic too –
reminded me of Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami for some reason.

--
Currently Reading:

Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden - because I've meant to read it for ages.

Everyone Worth Knowing - Lauren Weisberger (author of The Devil Wears
Prada) – because a girl needs some easy reading with a bit of romance
for her bus trip.

Wintersmith – Terry Pratchett – because he makes me think and laugh
out loud at the same time – what a guy! *sigh*)

--
Five Meaningful Books:
Can I really answer this? I don't know if I'm a fan of the
"meaningful" book genre so I have nothing to add here!

--
I tag you!

long weekends...

2007-10-02T16:52:00.001+10:00

I love long weekends.

The footy was rubbish.
The sun was wonderful.

We caught up with friends for Sunday lunch, Monday lunch and Monday
dinner. We caught up with family for Friday dinner, Saturday dinner
and Sunday dinner. (No cooking for me!)

Hubby thinks I sound exactly like Ja'mie King from "Summer Heights
high"/ "We Can Be Heroes".
I cry!
I'm supposed to be an intelligent professional – how can I do this if
I sound like a teenager! (Or a man pretending to be a teen?!
Nooooooo!)

My desk is a mess. You know when you first start a job and your desk
is perfect and everything is really neat?
Well, I'm the opposite of that.
Plus, this keyboard looks diseased and there's a coating of dust all
around the puter. Not to mention the makeup that's rubbed off on my
phone. It's official - I am a grot.

Must sort this out...as well as eat more fruit.

(I can sense a new New Years' Eve resolution coming on...)

Tis Grand Final weekend!!

2007-09-29T08:57:00.000+10:00

Go Manly!!!

omg, reminds me of my childhoods!!

Busy?

2007-09-27T16:35:00.001+10:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. Been busy.

Actually, that's a lie.

When you go away for a week, there's usually a huge pile of things to
catch up on when you get back to work. When you go away for a month,
they figure out that other people have to do it or it'll get
ridiculous. So I didn't get back to a huge pile of work at all and I'm
not that busy.

I'm just procrastinating!

Work has actually been alright. I'm okay with it. At peace with it -
something like that. It's taken a long time, but even though I loved
the experience of presenting at an academic conference in China, my
experience there - meeting up with ex-colleagues and the such - made
me realise that I have it good in my current position. It's not so bad
to go commercial - and a lot of it is good.

I've also set a deadline to write up some more of my PhD research (or
cut and paste it) for publication (must do this while still slightly
motivated!). Plus, I've been involved in collaborating with some
non-profit and academic organisations - we've applied for a research
grant and whether we get it or not, it's been really nice to work on a
research project again. (I hope we get it!)

Hubby's business is coming along nicely. I have a choir concert in a
month's time. The roses are almost back in bloom. I have now written a
list of all the lovely people who I'm supposed to catch up with before
the end of the year and there's just not enough weekends!

Maybe I'll organise a Spring party at my house...

I've had so many people say...

2007-09-22T09:15:00.000+10:00

...how come you haven't joined Facebook yet!!

Some people are obsessed!

I checked out my brother's, my cousin's and a colleagues Facebook page and I dunno - it just freaked me out that they were real pictures of them under their real name with real details of what they were doing.

It's just that if I get paranoid enough of getting stalkers here - I'd be totally paranoid of stalkers there. Besides, it kinda feels unprofessional - what if someone was Google-ing me to find out about my research and finds my Facebook site with me in my swimwear, lying on the beach? (As seemed to be the case with my cousin's site - and she's supposed to be an accountant!)

I dunno - has anyone else joined?

holiday

2007-09-19T12:21:00.001+10:00

Hello all!
The long awaited holiday was good and I definitely needed the break! I
flew to Malaysia, spent a few days in Kuala Lumpur, got a train up to
Taiping, stayed there a week, drove to Penang, flew to China and
toured around Beijing for 9 days (attending a conference), flew back
to Penang and got a coach back to Kuala Lumpur. I got to see a lot of
family – it was especially important to see my Grandma and two of her
siblings. It was also nice that one of my cousins gave birth while I
was there.

Malaysia was relaxing – I saw a lot of things, but mainly I spent a
lot of time with family or alone. I got a lot of thinking done. I ate
loads of great stuff! It was relaxing.

China was hectic – early mornings, late nights, loads to see. I did
the standard tourist stuff there. The conference went well and was
very interesting. I was pleased with my presentation (and just wish I
could stop saying "um" all the time!). It felt good to be part of the
"academic crowd" again.
Anyway, some thoughts:

1. Beijing is really interesting but frustrating.

I guess the Olympics always transform a city and that's clearly what's
happening in Beijing. The streets were clean, the traffic was great,
there were flowers everywhere – and the history of the place is
amazing. But you can't stop the smog and you can't stop the creepy
feeling that there are certain things the tourists are meant to see
and many things left hidden...I wont go into it though – there's
nothing new in my thoughts and I do believe that there is a lot that
China can be proud of as well.

I did have a great time there, the tour was fun (the usual stuff –
Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, Temple of Heaven, Forbidden City – see
Lulu's post in my blog links – she's got pictures!). Oh – and
shopping in Beijing is brilliant – so cheap!

A few things though – being arrogant enough to be an English-speaker,
I expected everyone else to speak English to me and this is the first
city I've travelled to where people looked at me like I was an idiot
because I couldn't communicate in their language (oh, actually, I
forgot about going to Paris – it was just like that but worse!). I
guess I know how we make others feel when they can't speak *our*
language.

It was good that the tour I was on left from Malaysia – Malaysians are
very multi-lingual and plenty of them had Chinese backgrounds and
spoke Mandarin. I do believe I got to see much more of the city
because we could go out at night, knowing that we were with people who
could read signs and ask others if we got lost.

It was fun.

2. Malaysia is also really interesting but frustrating.

And since I'm half Malaysian, I can complain about all the frustrating things!

Malaysia has its own human rights issues – more along the lines of
discriminating against the huge 40% of the population who aren't Malay
(and therefore usually not Muslim). A Malay person has to be the head
of each big company, small businesses have to employ a token Malay –
even if they don't do anything, only a Malay can be prime minister,
Malays have easier entrance into University, they get discounts when
buying their homes, cars, – oh and to top it all off, there's no free
press so all the newspapers read like Malaysia is a happy
multicultural society where all the Malays, Chinese and Indians get
along really well and everyone feels equally Malaysian – not true –
those of Chinese and Indian cultural background might be proud to be
Malaysian, but are too often treated as second class citizens. The
problem is that you can't have a multicultural society where all are
equal if some are "more equal than others". However, although the
Malays benefit from affirmative action, although the men can have
multiple wives, although they are given many benefits – they are also
not allowed to stop being Muslim, not allowed to marry a non-Muslim
unless the other person converts to Islam, not legally allowed to
drink alcohol and have to observe, for example, Ramadan. Because of
this, there's no choice and no real religious freedom there despite
the inclusion of Muslim, Hindu, Chinese and Christian religious
festivals as public holidays. Unlike China and all the issues with
freedom faced by citizens there, Malaysia is supposed to be a
democracy and should be doing a lot better than that! Don't get me
wrong – Australia has her own problems and so does every country on
this planet, but as much as I love that part of my heritage, it's
crazy that the only real bit of critical news I saw while I was there
was a cable broadcast from ABC in Australia, interviewing a Malaysian
politician who was tongue-tied as she was not used to being
criticised. Okay, end of rant.

There are many great things about the country though – like the food.
Beautiful fruit, wonderful dishes – cheap as anything. There's plenty
of beauty, the people are very friendly, and I loved the humidity on
my skin after such cold winter in Sydney – I felt glowing.

3. I did a lot of thinking.

Yeah – I had too much time to myself without Hubby around. I decided
that I suffer from permanent "grass is greener" syndrome and need to
focus more on what I have rather than what I don't have or what I used
to have. And then after all that typical introspection, I thought that
being too introspective is actually really self-centred and quite
annoying – there's a reason why smart people get depressed – they
think too much. I'm not saying that it's not good to think, but it's
not good to obsess and it's not good to fixate on things that really
aren't that important.

So here's to focussing on the good I have in my life. I want to be
more like my husband – positive, driven, outward-focussed, relishing
all the small joys that come up each day.

You know, it was kinda weird at the airport, seeing him again after
almost a month. I kinda felt shy, like a teen on a first date. That
feeling lasted for about two minutes, but it was nice! This sounds so
cliché, but I'm glad to be back – life seems kinda empty without him.
I was happy enough, but I was missing my ball of sunshine.

I'm back...

2007-09-16T12:51:00.001+10:00

...safe and sound!

Just popping in to say hello and thanks for all the well wishes.

Will write later - at the moment, I'm very busy hanging out with Hubby
and catching up on all the special grown-up cuddles that I've missed!

I'm off!

2007-08-20T16:05:00.001+10:00

So tomorrow is my last day here and then I'm off to Malaysia and China
for 3.5 weeks!

Aaggh!!

I'm feeling a bit seedy and achy. I dunno whether it's the start of
the flu or if it's just from being tired after such a busy weekend.

I'm hoping it's just tiredness.
I am *not* getting sick right now!

Anyway, thoughts:

1. I hope Hubby is okay with being full time in his new business. He's
loving it so far which is a good sign.

2. I am going to miss him so much. And what's he going to do with no
cuddles? :-(

3. I'm not nervous about presenting at the conference but I am
terrified about travelling by myself in China.

4. I am so looking forward to Malaysia - land of the most amazing food!

5. It will be weird to spend so much time away from Hubby.

6. All the lovely flowers I planted in my front garden are starting to bloom.
I'm going to miss the start of Spring! Waah!

Hey - have fun without me for the next few weeks!

John Laws - you are such a tool!

2007-08-17T18:31:00.001+10:00

I don't even have to add anything here. This speaks for itself.
Seriously, it's embarrassing that such people can have such
longstanding jobs.

This is why I can't stand listening to talkback radio. I'd spend all
my time yelling at the wanker of a radio announcer.

Taken from today's news.com.au:

This morning's tirade was directed at a Chinese-Australian caller named "Helen".Helen was describing the trouble she had recently experienced with the cross-city tunnel. She had been fined for failing to pay the toll.

Laws asked her why she hadn't paid the toll and Helen said she didn't know that there was one.
"I never travel to east (sic), that's the first time I travel to east."
Talking over the top of Helen, Laws said: "Sounds like you travelled from the east."
He continued: "Obviously you're Asian are you?
Helen said she was from China.
And away Laws went.
"I understand that Chinese drivers are probably the worst drivers on
the face of the earth," he said.
"You probably fall into that category along with the rest of them."
By this time Helen was superfluous to requirements and was cut off.
"I'll give you even money that sweet Helen's little, too. She's about 4' 8. I can see it. They look out between the steering wheel and the top of the dashboard.
"You've got to... well, I won't put it that way... well, I will:
you've got to keep your eyes open.
"Now I'm going to be screamed at for saying (sic) that I'm being racist," Laws then said.
"I'm not being racist. I'm telling you the truth." '

Laws, you are a dickhead. You've got no idea, mate. You're the type of guy who gives a bad name to middle-aged, hetro, right-wing, white guys everywhere.

I'm not being racist - I'm telling you the truth.

Gimme some peace!

2007-08-16T12:05:00.001+10:00

So I'm feeling kinda wound up. Things are just too hectic.

Hubby wants to quit his job to focus on his business full time. Which
would be fine if the huge mortgage wasn't an issue.

I dunno why I panic, I just do.

It's more that I'll be leaving next week, Hubby's business partner is
also going on holidays for three weeks – leaving tomorrow (a
pre-booked holiday which has proved to be very bad timing!), and now a
contract for work which was supposed to begin next month, now needs to
start on Monday!

I know it's his issue and not mine really, but it's impossible to
separate him from me in my own mind and so all these things that I
don't even need to do myself gets me all worked up, as if I were him.
Confusing? Totally.

I don't know why all the things he needs to do should affect me so much.
I'm sitting here worrying about his new staff, their contracts, their
rates of pay, the contract with the company, how he's going to manage
on his own while the business partner is away, what's going to happen
to our bank account if he can't draw enough of a wage to match his
current pay yet, blah, blah, blah.

And I'm worried about myself next week – getting around Beijing alone
– it's scary and I fully admit to not being "Miss Independent" – I'm
more "Ms Too-freaked-out-to-do-things-alone-knowing-it's-pathetic". I
know this sounds terrible, but I'm more comfortable when I've
travelled in countries that speak more English – like Hong Kong or
Singapore or India or Malaysia.
Gawd, I haven't even finalised the talk I'm doing – actually getting
up there in front of a thousand people and talking about my research
is actually the least of my worries!

I'm also worked up about leaving Hubby for almost a month during a
really stressful time. (Actually, I wrote "the most stressful time
ever" at first but had to re-phrase with a bit of persepctive. I
figured that we've had plenty of stressful things lately to rival
starting a new business. Let's add a cancer diagnosis, buying a new
house, reinvesting our other loans and feeling very pov, both starting
new jobs, finishing a PhD, being estranged from Hubby's mother due to
her pretty much destroying my aunt's life – hmm, what else has
happened lately?)

You know, I'd be fine with this – totally fine – if this was the only
stressful things happening in our lives – but after so much crap over
the last two years, I'm tired.

Where is that quiet peace and joy I have sought for so long?

Thank you online people!

2007-08-15T17:26:00.001+10:00

So both Kira (OMG – she's alive!) and general_boy have recently
written posts about the people they've met online.

I've had this post sitting in my email drafts for ages and in light of
their posts - and as it's almost the 3rd anniversary of this blog -
here's where I finally get around to finishing this and letting you
all know my own "people from the Internet" story...

The first time I did that new "chat" thing on the strange World Wide
Web thing was back in 1996.
My brother was/is a techno-geek and we were the first in our
neighbourhood have an Internet connection. He spent a lot of time
chatting. A lot. I tried it once or twice but it had no appeal – I
couldn't get a sense that anyone else was a real person. So I didn't
bother making friends with anyone online for the next few years.

Meanwhile, my brother went through a series of "girlfriends" from
different time zones.

It was always the same story – he'd be spending too much time online,
then we'd start receiving late night phone calls from these random
girls. It would go on for a year, they'd make plans to fly to each
other's country and meet up - and it never would happen, then they'd
have some argument and break up. And then the process started again.
(Oh how I teased my geek brother mercilessly for that!)

It wasn't until I was getting bored with the PhD that I started
spending more time procrastinating online. I worked long hours. Mainly
because I was lonely. I was in a long distance relationship with my
now husband and I didn't have that much more going on in my life. So I
stayed at work as much as I could just because it meant I was around
friend and I didn't bother getting home until dinner was ready (I
lived with my parents). Sad? Yep.

During that time, I discovered Internet forums and found that they
were really good fun.

By 2004, I'd met a few people on the forums who I considered to be
real friends. It wasn't like the randoms on the chat sites all those
years ago, these people were fun and good to spend time with and I had
a lot of time on my hands for them. There was very much a sense of
community in the various forums I then joined. There were the leaders,
the followers, the sneaky bastards, the stupid-as-hell, the weirdoes
and the lovelies. I loved it!

By then I was married, happier, trying to write up my thesis and I no
longer worked long hours. Posting short comments on forums was the
perfect background distracter while I worked on a PhD I was so over!
It made the day flow by just nicely.

I'm still in contact with two people from those foruming days – Steph
and Jim – and you can see links to their blogs over there on the
right.

In August 2004, I started this blog. I had first heard about blogging
from Ginchy who used to work with me in the same research office (see
my links section). At first I didn't count on using it to meet anyone
new, I just used it as a diary to vent – it was essentially private.
But then, I realised there was a whole community out there on Blogger
too.

Random people were writing me comments about things I had written. It
seemed weird! They seemed to be interested in my drivel. I thought
that was really strange at first, but then I thought it was fantastic
– and I started reading links through to new links and finding all
sorts of interesting people. I found that blogging gave a better sense
of who people really were. People wrote things they thought but maybe
didn't say or freely show about themselves. I liked that. It was like
distilling people down to their interesting bits.

By 2005, I was writing at full speed.

I used to check my stats all the time back then, I linked to loads of
people and I wrote with the attitude that I was providing
entertainment to people. I spent ages blog surfing and commenting on
blogs and finding new people to be friends with. I also spent a lot of
time writing and choosing just the right words to gain the desired
effect. It was The Art of Blogging, I suppose. I actually really liked
writing like that.

Sadly I don't have the time for that anymore, but that kind of
blogging was good fun.

I met such interesting people that I'd never have been able to know so
well. People of all different ages, backgrounds, beliefs and from all
over the place.
And now that I don't have the time for all of that, I've kept my links
to just a select group of "Special Ones" (citing the george song) –
people who I genuinely care about. All of you are really special
people.

I suppose it's almost like growing older and finding out who it's
worth staying friends with and who just gets lost along the way. It's
not that I don't care about the people I used to read and who I've
lost touch with. It's just that I don't need lots of readers these
days – I don't have the time or energy to nurture all those
relationships – so I keep in touch and read those who I find lovely or
sweet or interesting or funny or intriguing or all those things. And
that's nice.

I also got to meet up with Jodie who doesn't have a blog (but should!)
who contacted me after following a link from Ginchy's blog. That was
great too.

I like how this blog has changed along the way. I've changed the
format, the colours. I've deleted it and stuffed things up. I've taken
breaks from writing, I've blocked access to archives. I've also quit
posting pictures of myself (figuring that this is the only place
people won't choose to like or judge me based on what I look like).

This blog has also changed mood over the years.

To use a cliché, I've dealt with a lot of demons since late 2005 and I
no longer write to entertain other. I write, perhaps less well,
perhaps less often, but perhaps more desperately – to reach out and
vent and know that I have some sort of support out there. Which is
also fine, I suppose.

I think you all are great. I really care about your lives and the
people you care about too. I might not be the best commenter, but I do
read all your posts.

So, in the lead up to this blog's 3rd birthday – I need to thank you
all for reading my words and supporting me and making me smile. Thanks
for all the friendly comments and the time you take to read and write
here. And thanks for doing all those things without even knowing me,
meeting me.

It's really rather humbling.

I hate you commercial TV

2007-08-14T14:04:00.001+10:00

Why has Torchwood been relagated to Tuesdays at midnight?!!

That's what happens, time and time again, when commercial TV picks up
a good show and it doesn't have millions of viewers. I hate you,
commercial television!! You do it to me all the time!

I hardly ever get into TV shows these days, yet each one that I do
decide to like gets yanked into a graveyard position.

And why didn't the ABC pick this one up to play against Doctor Who?

And what's with Doctor Who being shown on Saturday nights? Just
because I love that show, doesn't mean I'm a geek who doesn't get out
on a Saturday night.

Hmph.

Piano

2007-08-10T16:46:00.001+10:00

I don't own my own piano.
Just a crappy keyboard which I hate playing (keyboards have no soul!)
but occasionally use to play other voice parts when I'm practising for
choir rehearsals.

So when I really want to play, I use the piano at my parents' house
that I've played on for 23 years.

It's funny, but I do have a relationship with my piano. Not so much
with my violin.
Piano is special.
I was made to learn violin whereas I wanted to learn the piano. (Not
that I regret being made to play the violin. I'd never have had the
chance to perform in an orchestra and in chamber groups if I just
played piano and I loved all that). But if I wanted to spend time
playing music for myself, I'd always choose Piano.

If I was bored and wanted to kill time, I'd play with Piano.
If I was angry, I'd take it out on Piano.
If I was frustrated with school and uni exams, I'd also take it out on Piano.
If I were upset, heartbroken, in despair – I'd play on Piano.

I'd leaf through books – old, new, classical, pop. Old exam works,
things I'd written, things I'd bought at random garage sales.

Sometimes, if I needed to think of nothing at all, I'd play scales and
exercises, over and over. It's a vent. Filling my mind with ordered
sound stopped me from having to think of anything else.

Often though, I used music to express my feelings.

I've never been good at expressing myself. Maybe not so bad on paper,
but definitely useless face to face. I'm only comfortable taking about
my feelings with Hubby and a few close friends, but me talking about
myself is the exception rather than the norm. I rarely talk about
myself at work or other social situations.

I'm the girl who listens and asks lots of questions of the other
person while rarely offering up any information about myself if not
specifically asked.

Back in my school days, I always found it hard to talk to my parents.
Even now – although I get along well with them, I get accused by my
mother of being "too much like your Dad" – that is, a closed book.
Someone who doesn't talk about feelings and who doesn't let people in.

And that's where Piano comes in. Because whenever I was upset, happy,
afraid, angry – my Mum knew how I was feeling purely through the music
I'd play. And I'd play everyday.

I think she found it amusing that her quiet daughter would not say
anything much about her shitty day, but then bang out Rachmaninoff's
heavy Prelude in C sharp minor and then switch to toggling chords
while singing Kate Bush's rather eerie "Breathing". If she couldn't
work what I was thinking, at least she'd know for sure what I was
feeling.

These days, I only play once a week or so, when I'm staying over at my
parents' house – and I miss having my own piano to play when I need
it. And I guess I still use music, like many people do, to express my
emotions – especially when I have no way of saying what I want to say
in my own words. And like many people, I use music to stay in a mood
or to change moods. So I love my iPod.

But there's nothing like using an instrument as an extra body part to
create all of that.
In that aspect, Piano beats iPod any day.

I am still here!

2007-08-02T20:03:00.000+10:00

Agggghh – it’s August already!

Hey – thanks everyone for the supportive words. We got the money back. I still can’t log into my Internet banking as I am putting off sitting on the phone for half an hour on hold to the bank’s call centre while it all gets sorted out. But all is fine. For now.

(As you can see, the past two years or so have turned me into a nervous wreck. Now, it’s all about the “So, what shit’s going to happen next?!” – I’m sick of it! I want calm! Give me calm! Being uptight and anxious about incident after incident is driving me insane and making me react to all sorts of seemingly minor things in a way I never used to do.

I used to be so carefree like a tampon ad. Now I’m like an insurance ad - worried about all the crap that can go wrong.

I mean – it’s this a normal movement in life stages? Does one pass from “tampon ad bliss” to “insurance ad anxiety” like one passes through young adulthood to middle age?)

At least it’s getting warmer. A bit. Well, better than the chill a couple of weeks ago. I hate winter. So gloomy. Can’t be bothered doing anything in the evenings.

Which also made me think – Sydneysiders generally aren’t very good at dressing for very cold weather. I was hopping from foot to foot whinging about how freezing it was when we went out with some friends a few weeks ago and one of them – from a much colder country – said “Look at how you’re dressed! You’re wearing a scarf but have no decent coat on – that lacy cardigan is full of holes - and you’re not even wearing socks!”

But you can’t wear socks with strappy shoes! What to do?

I am not a winter person. Not me. Brrr.

And all the spring bulbs I planted in my front garden – daffodils, hyacinth, anemones – are all going to bloom while I’m away! It’s making me cry! Noooooooooo!!! All that effort for lovely spring garden and I wont be around to enjoy it!

Oh – in case you don’t know – I’m off on holidays soon.
I leave in three weeks and get back mid September.
Malaysia and China.
China because I’m an invited speaker at a conference in Beijing (tis good to have a PhD sometimes!).
Malaysia because I haven’t been there in years and that’s where my most of the extended maternal family reside. Loads of cousins. Lots of yummy food! I’m looking forward to it – except that Hubby can’t come.

Apart from the fact that we can’t afford for him travel with me (my trip is being subsidised by a grant), he’s also really, really busy with his new company.

Really busy.

Which, in a sense, is great – they are really doing well.
I am proud of Hubby’s efforts.

His business partner is dating someone who works in PR whom he cannot break up with!! She has been extraordinary. She’s still a PR bimbette, but an extraordinary one.

I always thought PR people were as useless as HR people - and also those people who too much time in art galleries.
But now I know - it’s truly amazing the effect that a good PR person can have. Hubby’s company was in a half page feature article in one of the major metropolitan newspapers last weekend. The Bimbette has forged contacts with some prestigious companies and the boys are on the verge of signing a huge contract.

Except that’s where I stop being helpful.

I’ve re-wrote business proposals and re-worded both website and printed material. I’ve listened. I’ve given my advice and opinion when asked. I can do all that.

What I’m not good at is being endlessly supportive. Endlessly enthusiastically supportive.

I can’t say “OMG!! THAT’S SO GREAT!! W00T!!1” if I’m told “Guess what!? We may sign a huge contract with [insert major international company]!!”

I’d just say “That’s really good, keep working at it.”

I can’t count chickens before they hatch. I just can’t. I can’t be happy until I see the evidence.

Not just a signed contract, but also evidence that the new employees are working out, a good profit is being made, business growth is structured and controllable, and I’d also like to see a spreadsheet outlining the business plan.

That’s just me. Gimme results.
That’s when I celebrate.
Otherwise I muddle about nervously, hoping they don’t screw up/ no one tries to sue them/ they don’t go losing huge sums of money.

So where does that leave me? Am I a bad, unsupportive wife for feeling like this? Am I jinxing them because I’m not fully of bouncy enthusiasm like a puppy? Am I wrong for hating it that he’s so busy and preoccupied all the time now?

Because I just feel really selfish. I can’t help it.

Currently...Recently...

2007-08-02T19:55:00.000+10:00

Currently reading: Kate Chopin - The Awakening. Margaret Atwood - The Robber Bride.

Currently loving listening to: Regina Spector - Begin to Hope.

Currently enjoying on TV: Doctor Who, Spicks and Specks, Torchwood.

Recently seen on DVD: The Holiday. Hot Fuzz.

Recently seen at the movies: Knocked Up.

Recently read: George Bernard Shaw - Pygmallion.

You don't have to be a naïve Internet noobie, responding to dodgy emails from Nigeria, to get scammed out of thousands of dollars

2007-07-20T16:35:00.001+10:00

Criminals can be very smart. They just need your username and
password. That's it. Then they launder the money to another bank
account (usually a legit account owned by another innocent victim who
thinks they're an employee for a money transfer company) then it's
transferred overseas and gone.

So, if you don't want to wake up one day and see thousands missing
from your bank account - take heed of these words:

Change your Internet password regularly.
All the time.
Everyone tells you to do it, and you still don't! Why!
So go on - do it now.
And keep doing it.
Regularly - and make sure they're not ones you could easily guess.
And don't store it or write it down anywhere at all - especially not
on your computer anywhere!

If you have trouble remembering numbers like I do, remember this rhyme
(which I've used since I was a kid) and learn to picture things in
your head:

ONE is a BUN
TWO is a SHOE
THREE is a TREE
FOUR is a DOOR
FIVE is a HIVE
SIX is STICKS/BRICKS
SEVEN is HEAVEN
EIGHT is a GATE/PLATE
NINE is a SPINE/LINE
TEN is a HEN

For some people, it's just easier to picture some bricks sitting in a
shoe, about to kick a beehive at the gates of heaven than - to
remember a series of numbers.

Watch out for Spyware. Don't let your anti-virus software go out of
date. Even just by one measly week like we did. Make sure you've
checked the settings so that it runs scans very regularly, plus cleans
or quarantines suspect items. For extra safety, run another free virus
scan program every so often as a double safety check - like Panda
Active Scan.

We don't download a lot of things, we don't click on things we don't
know, and we don't even use our home compute that much. So we can't
think of how our computer was compromised - maybe it was through
Limewire where you're not sure where files come from - who knows. But
it happened. Something happened, we still don't know what.

The good news is we're most probably getting it back - not sure when though.

And the great news is that they're people working in banks who are
amazingly helpful people who will go out of their way to fix your
difficult problems. We've only met two of them ever, but they do
exist!

Some of you - a lot of you - are better techies that me. So please add
your other tips and experiences to the comments section...

Scared, upset, pissed off.

2007-07-19T14:32:00.001+10:00

So we found out today that we've been a victim of online fraud. A
large amount of money was transferred directly out of our bank account
recently. It's not even credit card fraud - it's a direct debit from
our savings account.

It's going to take up to a week to sort it all out and determine if or
when we will get the money back. The whole account is frozen at the
moment and will remain so until it's sorted out.

Meanwhile, it's scary - how was our security breached? When? What
other information do they have?

It's upsetting - it's a lot of money and we're very tight with
finances at the moment. How to cope if we don't get it back or if it
takes ages to get back?

It's also shitting me. What freaking, evil, dipshit loser does things like that?

Sweetness and Light

2007-07-16T17:29:00.001+10:00

Happy 29th Birthday to Hubby for the 15th of July. My Hubby is almost 30!
I can't believe it.

Seems like yesterday when we shared our first kiss (okay, drunken pash
session) on his 20th birthday.

And he still always says (or emails) the sweetest things...

"You are the most amazing wife. I just made a sandwich and had one of
those funny moments... realised that i love every part of you and your
mind - you are so clever and always teach me new things."

lol - awww cutie pie - I'm in love.

Misc.

2007-07-09T17:05:00.001+10:00

Why do weekends go so fast?

I worked at the pharmacy on Saturday (busy as hell these days!) and
went to a baby shower straight afterwards (is everyone preggers these
days?)

My inner geek let loose when I made sure I got home in time for Doctor
Who (I love David Tennant – hmmmmmmm).

We went out again after that to watch the remainder of the rugby and
have a cheap beer at the local RSL (been going there way too much
lately!)

On Sunday, we helped re-arrange new furniture in my brother's
apartment in the morning and visited my aunt for lunch. We then went
to a friend's place– he lives in Finger Wharf at Wooloomooloo so we
got great views of the US Kitty Hawk without having to bear the crowds
and weather. (Incidentally, another friend who lives in Kings Cross
tells me that there are no prostitutes on the streets when US sailors
are around as they're much too busy!)

After that, we went shopping for fresh food at Paddy's Market ($1 for
a kilo of grapes! $2 for five avocadoes! $1 for a fresh Vienna loaf! 1
kilo of chicken breast for $8.50!) and I decided we should make the
effort to get fresh food from there more often and pick up other
supermarket sundries at Aldi. Imagine how much I could save? (Yes –
it's not very convenient, and there's people yelling and going mad
over everything, but food from the markets is fresher and very much
cheaper and who can complain about that?)

We picked up some pork buns at Chinatown (yummy, yummy, yum) and headed home.

For dinner, we were invited to another friends' place at North Sydney.
Even though it had Harbour Bridge views, I couldn't believe how much
rent he was paying for such a tiny studio! I was very impressed,
however, by his cooking - loads of sushi and tempura veggies - it was
really lovely.

And I'm tired now.
Wine on Sunday nights isn't a good idea on a Monday morning!

I went to a garden centre on my lunch break today and bought loads of
things to plant on the weekend (I'm obsessed!) and I have choir
practice after work tonight.

And oh yeah - Hubby quit his job (yeah - he's only been there since
April - this is his 4th job since I started at mine last year!). No,
the business hasn't suddenly taken off - he just needs a new job with
more flexibility while he's getting his own company up and running so
he's changing to a job that's easier to get to, that pays more, that
has lower sales targets and better pricing for his clients, and that
will buy him more time until his own venture starts paying the bills.
(Good for him, but bleh - I need stability!)

Gosh - I need a day with nothing to do to catch up on everything!

I have to put together what I'm going to say for the talk I'll be
doing at a conference in Beijing soon - and it's been so long I was
writing up the PhD that I feel really insecure about presenting it.
Plus, the ex-supervisors are at me to publish more papers.

I need more time!

8 things Meme

2007-06-29T10:46:00.001+10:00

Omg – I feel popular!!! l

I've been tagged by the wonderful deemacgee. Here goes:

The Eight Things Meme:

1. What ever happened to my "get fit for 2007" motto from the start of
the year? And how long are New Years' resolutions supposed to last
anyway?
2. I have loads of eyes problems caused by my contact lenses which are
due to my allergies. But I'm too vain to wear glasses full time. I'd
rather be a secret geek. Okay, it's no secret – I'm a geek. Everyone
knows it!
3. It's funny how one toxic person can destroy a whole work
environment - which can otherwise be rather pleasant when she's away
for the day.
4. I know it's selfish, but I'm tired of covering for people who seem
to take sick leave all the time. Or people with small children in
childcare who can only work certain hours. Yes, I understand. No, I
still don't want to cover for them.
5. I am determined to stop making excuses for myself. I am capable of
more and I need to push myself. Just because it doesn't come
naturally, doesn't mean I can't do it.
6. I am yet to use the title "Dr". It's funny because it seemed so
cool when I first started the PhD and now that's it's well over, I'm
so over it. Besides, most Australians have no idea what a PhD is
anyway.
7. I want to lose weight – even though I'm in the "healthy weight
range" - because it's so hard to buy clothes when you're not thin.
Yes, the industry controls us all. But it's proving impossible to get
back to my pre-wedding weight without giving up chocolate! (And
without sticking to my 10,000 steps a day.)
8. I am currently obsessed about turning the front of my house into
one of those traditional English cottage gardens with an Australian
edge. I never thought – this time last year – that I'd now be spending
my spare time reading books about plants.

I tag whoever luvs me.

2007-06-26T15:50:00.001+10:00

???

How do you delete really weird long comments from the comments
section? I knew how to do it on old Blogger but I can't work it out!

But hey – thank you all for the well-wishes! My birthday was nice.

We had family get together on Thursday night (my Dad's birthday was on
Wednesday night so we always have a joint celebration).

On Friday night, I had dinner and a few drinks just with hubby. It was
nice. Even though we ran into an ex-boyfriend's parents who came to
our table and stood there talking to us (awkwardness!) It was kinda
nice to hear what that ex is now doing (he's a bus driver –
hahahahahahahaha – okay-I'm-really-mean-and-shallow) and they kept on
trying to persuade me to visit them at their new house and go out for
a drink with them sometime. (Are they serious? I dated their son –
very briefly – 10 years ago! – it's not like I'm the daughter-in-law
they missed out on!)

Anyway, afterwards, we rented "Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny" on
DVD and Hubby fell asleep about 20 mins in – as he always does with
movies (he has no attention span) but I liked it – it was good, silly
humour.

And that was my birthday.

Oh – and I got a new watch with matching bracelet, a jewellery box, a
frame for my PhD certificate, a "Happiness" Willow Tree figurine,
gardening secateurs, gorgeous green soup bowls, a red top, toiletries
(shower gel, moisturiser, mascara, lip gloss), flowers and chocolate.
Twas very nice.

I wanted to write something meaningful about turning 28, but all I can
say is that most of being 27 was kinda shit and it's starting to come
good now. Better, kinda. But hey – we achieved a lot over the last
year. I can't complain...

...except that people are starting to ask me when I'm going to have a baby.

Is that all it comes down to in the end?!

It's my party...

2007-06-22T17:46:00.001+10:00

I'm 28 today.

Life has felt hectic recently. Work has been busy - but good - I'm
enjoying it a lot more.

The rain! So much rain! It's crazy! I can't remember even seeing so
much rain! I don't own a clothes drier - never needed one - and now I
have nothing to wear. I'm trying to dry things by hanging them in the
garage but they don't smell too great - all musty! I'm down to my last
pair of undies - you know the ones - they have no elastic and only
stay on because you're wearing trousers over them to hold them up.

We heard some unfortunate news on Sunday - that a guy (who was in my
church youth group back when I was teen) was violently and senselessly
killed on Saturday night. It made me feel sick and I've been haunted
by it a lot. It's so sad.

Hubby's good - the thing about his new business still winds me up -
not that I don't trust him to be good at what he does, but the switch
to leaving his job and doing this business full time is not going to
be easy given our tight financial situation.

I'm learning to relax about things more though.

I mean, there will always be things to worry about but I can't let it
get to me - I'm getting better at ignoring and forgetting rather than
thinking too much. Events like what happened last weekend to that poor
boy on the weekend just make me see how precious *today* is. How I'm
so lucky really.

So no complaints from me.
Not even about being "almost 30!"

Bye bye...

2007-06-20T16:26:00.001+10:00

So someone at work is leaving and they passed an envelope around
everyone's in-trays for a present.
You know the thing - add money, sign the farewell card, cross your
name of the list, and pass it on?

So I looked in the envelope and everyone so far had put in $10. And I
thought - $10? Is she worth $10.

So I put in $5 and crossed my name of the list.

Call me a tightass, but I didn't particularly like the person - why
should I waste my money on them? Besides, no can figure out who gave
what.

Anyway, I could've done worse. I could've:

1. Put in nothing and crossed my name off the list.
2. Taken money out, pocketed it and crossed my name off the list.

What's the ettiquette for this kind of thing anyway?

This is both funny and addictive...

2007-06-19T15:42:00.001+10:00

http://www.mrpicassohead.com/create.html

Gaah!! Make it stop!

2007-06-19T09:20:00.001+10:00

Sydneysiders are not used to this kind of weather!! It's all wet and
cold and icky!What the hell are you supposed to do on the weekend?!

Growing up - and older...

2007-06-15T16:49:00.001+10:00

I love some of the crazy social documentaries on SBS and ABC.

Last night, they screened an American one called "Still Doing It: The
Intimate Lives Of Women Over 65".

Sure, there were plenty of things to cringe at – no one likes the
thought of wrinkly old people sex, no matter what they
politically-correctedly *should* think – but there were plenty of very
interesting points.

The baby boomers are gonna start turning 65 in the next few years.
There are old women everywhere – women over 65 are the fastest growing
age group. Many of them don't fit the categorisation of "old" – my mum
is a few years away from 65 – she doesn't seem old. Our very
definition of "old" and "elderly" is changing.

A great chunk of these women are widows. Men just don't hack it. Plus,
older men who *are* single generally go for younger women – which
leaves the older women with what? (But that's a whole *other* blog
post).

Or the women are divorcees after their husband has left them for
someone younger. (Again, the bastards – yet another blog post for the
future).

It always makes me laugh when people go on about older women on TV in
shows like Desperate Housewives or the such. They're not older! Women
in their 40s and 50s are *not* older women! You'd never say the same
of men on TV at that age. Besides, 40-50 year old men are allowed to
be sexy on TV – it's so rare to see the same of women. Oh – and
speaking of Desperate Housewives – none of those women look their age,
act their age (the characters are so silly/childish/self-centred –
they're like annoying 20 year olds!), or let themselves be free of
surgical intervention. We shouldn't aspire to grow up to be like that!

I love women like Helen Mirren. She's so utterly gorgeous. Granted,
she's lucky enough to have great genes, but she's, what, 60? - and
comes across as intelligent, aware, sexy and graceful. That's what I
want to be like. That's what I aspire too.

Watching that doco made me more aware of what I think about myself as I age.
Granted, I'm not quite 28! But getting older is something I've started
thinking more and more about for a few reasons:

1. Hubby's cancer diagnosis made me sharply aware that I may not
necessarily have someone to grow old with. I guess I never thought
about it like that before. It's scary. But watching those women made
it sharply real. Many women age alone.

2. My mum turned 60. Sixty! How can my mum be 60?! My Dad turns 60
next year – both his parents were dead by that age.

3. I have left the "glory bubble years". The Glory Bubble years are
that time in a girl's life – from around 16 to 25 – where she's
*really* noticed and she *knows* that she's noticed. You become
gradually aware when you start to enter those years – the increasing
male attention, looking fantastic when you dress up for a big night
out – and you become sharply aware of it when you start to leave those
years. You start to know what it feels like to become invisible. And
then it hits you – you will be invisible from now on – you will become
the mother, the grandmother, the old lady.
Okay I'm exaggerating, but there's that Goldie Hawn quote:
"There are only three ages for women in Hollywood - Babe, District
Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy."

In our culture - we're just not seen as "babes" after a certain age.
Although – truth be told – being a "babe" isn't the same as being sexy
and attractive. And I'd rather been seen as sexy and attractive than
as a "hot babe".
It's like the whole thing with women who try to be all cute after they
turn 30. It doesn't work. I used to know a girl who'd still wear her
hair in pig tails with glittery lipgloss at 35. Why do that to
yourself?

Anyway, I'm getting way off-topic here.

Truth is, I'm heading away from the Glory Bubble years and it's making
me insecure about myself. And it shouldn't.

Why am I so hung up that my hip bones don't stick out anymore when I
wear low cut jeans and that I have a dreaded muffin top instead? At
least I have breasts now! – I didn't have those when I was in my early
20s! And yet...

Look - I'm vain enough to admit that I just want to look good sometimes.
I'm childish enough to admit that I liked being thinner – not because
it's healthier, but because I just liked getting checked out more and
that even though I'm quite happily married, I sure miss the attention.
I'm insecure enough to admit that I need to feel like I'm being
checked out, even if I don't know why I should even want that. It's
stupid.
It's the kind of attitude that works against me – and all women.

It's stupid because there's so much more than just that...

In the documentary, there was one woman who had been married until she
was widowed at 60. Then she was with another man who died 10 years
later. Then – in her 80s – she finally met the man who was the love of
her life!
It was so gorgeous. It's a meeting of minds really, isn't it? Stuff it
that she was in a nursing home in a wheelchair – because those
feelings are timeless and ageless.

But then he died during the making of the documentary! I cried!!

I remember going to this church thing once for married couples, and
one of the couples – who looked like they were in their 70s – talked
about making love on the same bed for 50 years with Christ's crucifix
hanging above the bed, binding them together.
I totally admit to sniggering at the image – poor Jesus having to
witness that! Didn't he suffer enough?!

But that's childish. Because it's beautiful to love like that.
To go beyond the physical – by using the physical.
To love so much deeper than some magazine notion of what
attractiveness should be.

We don't put enough value on that kind of love.

But back to the over 65 women from the documentary.

I know which ones I don't want to be.

I don't want to be the one who was so sex-obsessed with raggy long
hair, who still went around in a bikini (gaah!), tried to be trendy by
swearing, and who had no family in her life.
I don't want to be the one who took up with a lover 40 years younger
than herself.
Those women came across as sad, desperate, trying to be what they're
not, and with no hope of ever being truly happy.

But I do want to be like the ones who never give up on love – knowing
that it's not all about sex, but that intimacy goes much deeper than
that.
I do want to be like the ones who stay fit and well, who learn to
laugh at it all, without huge hang-ups over their changing physiques.
I want to be like the older women who were intelligent, well-read, who
took care of their appearance (in a way that made them look great –
but not necessarily younger and plastic surgery-addicted) and most
importantly, I want to be like the older women who have self-respect -
something that was completely missing in some of the other women –
like the one in the bikini or the one with the young lover.

It was only the women with self-respect who were able to find true
love – to find their emotional and intellectual equals - and who were
truly happy with themselves.

update...

2007-06-06T12:13:00.001+10:00

We have a new baby in the family.
Hubby's sister gave birth to a 3.2kg baby girl last Saturday. I
informed Hubby that it means he's not the baby of his family anymore.
He wasn't very happy about giving up that birthright!

Anyway, speaking of Hubby, things are just frustrating for him - for
us - at the moment. His new business has had some great opportunities,
but they can't grow as quick as they'd like as Hubby has a full-time
job and simply can't be there. And he can't give up his job to
concentrate on it, as we can't afford to lose his income (not if we
want a massive Sydney mortgage!)

And he hates his current job – his manager (a friend who brought him
over to the company a few months ago) resigned last week and his boss
is a real firecracker. A

All of that would be okay if he was doing well at work, but he's
working in sales and a couple of big jobs fell through last week. Plus
his clients from his previous company aren't following him across to
the new company. Plus he's selling in an increasingly competitive area
where many jobs are now lost to cheap overseas Asian companies. It's
very difficult to get new work and he's in Business Development.

But he can't leave his job until his own company starts bringing in a
lot more money and he can't make more money through his company
without the ability to put in more time on weekdays.

So what to do? Catch 22.

As for me, work has been getting better lately. It's busy and more
challenging which makes it pretty good. So sorry about the less
frequent posts - I still am reading you all!

American Doll Posse

2007-05-31T12:04:00.001+10:00

Sorry poor blog – I am not ignoring you on purpose!

I have been busy listening to Tori Amos' new album – American Doll Posse.

I've been a Tori-fan since 1994.

However, being a fan doesn't mean bowing down and worshipping all of
Tori's output. This is no "Little Earthquakes", "Boys for Pele" or
"Choirgirl" – but I do think it's better than her most recent
"Scarlet's Walk" and "Beekeeper". Being a fan also doesn't mean
worshipping every word an artist says – if you've ever heard Tori
being interviewed, you'd know that she talks shit. In fact, I've never
seen someone else talk so much shit. I get the feeling that she'd be
one of those people who really annoy me if I worked with her.

But back to the album. I like it.

It's also been quite a challenge. I mean, Tori doesn't let her
listeners off lightly, you have to work at it– this is no
"easy-listening" album. I really think it's overblown – the 23 tracks
make it difficult to get into the album and makes it obvious that Tori
needs an editor - some of them should have been relegated to B-side
status.

The concept seemed a little twee at first. Tori presents the songs
from the point of view of five characters – Isabel, Clyde, Pip, Santa
and Tori (each with her own blog) – who take turns presenting the
different songs. Tori plays dress-ups with these characters, making
for some great album art (resembling that of "Strange Little Girls").
To put it simply:

1. Isabel is a photographer. She has a severe-cut blonde hairstyle and
she's the political one.
2. Clyde is sad, hurt, and sensitive. She looks willowy and delicate.
3. Pip is young, angsty, and confrontational. She's young and sexy
with dark hair.
4. Santa is passionate and sensual. She's old-school with red lips and
short blonde hair.
5. Tori is almost a send-up of the real Tori. She has startling red
hair, seems self-loathing and is a self-declared (tongue-in-cheek)
MILF.

On closer listening, however, the characters aren't as one-dimensional
as they might seem. For instance, Isabel's opinions aren't really that
fervent, Clyde is smarter than she thinks, Santa is funnier. Also,
they remind the listener that Tori herself has aspects of all those
girls in her own personality, as do her listeners.

It takes a bit of work, but after a while, you can tell the difference
in how each "doll" sings. Some of the girls have better tracks than
others. I really like Clyde and Santa. Isabel seems annoying with her
silly political crap near the start of the album, but seems to come
into her own towards the end. Pip is edgy and sometimes a little too
angsty for the age of the writer. Tori, strangely enough, seems to be
the least developed character with the weakest songs.

Here are my favourite tracks. If I were to cull this album down to one
of a normal, more accessible length, I'd pick just these songs.

From Clyde, listen to:
Bouncing off Clouds
Roosterspur Bridge (so achingly pretty – my current favourite - on
high rotation on my ipod!)
Beauty of Speed (love the intricate piano work)

From Santa:
You Can Bring Your Dog (raunchy and glam – I love it)
Secret Spell (irresistibly catchy chorus)

From Pip:
Teenage Hustling
Smokey Joe (Pip is dark – there's something very Boys for Pele about her)

From Isabel:
Almost Rosey
Dark Side of the Sun

From Tori:
Big Wheels

All in all, there are some great moments in "American Doll Posse" that
show Tori at her best, however the weaker moments seem fluffy and
scream "cutting room floor". It's much, much better than some of her
recent albums, but the sheer conceit of presenting such a bloated work
shows that she needs to take a step back and hone her art – the way
she did perfectly all those years ago in her landmark, perfectly
succinct "Little Earthquakes" album.

Character building?

2007-05-16T16:50:00.001+10:00

Everyone has an opinion on the subject of bullying and I'll take it as
a given that most of you have been bullied or teased at some stage –
as a kid, a teen, or even an adult.

Would you seek compensation for the crap you went through? Yes? No?
Why or why not?

Ben Cox made news earlier this week by being awarded a $213,000 payout
due to the pain and suffering he endured when bullied in kindergarden
and year 1. Ongoing payments and superannuation mean that his total
award may add up to $1 million. What a fortune!

I must admit that when I first heard about this case, I thought "Not
another bloody whinger. Can't these people get over it? Everyone has
shit happen to them as a child. This will open a can of worms!"

But after thinking about it more, and reading more about Ben's case,
my thoughts changed.

His story is utterly heartbreaking.

He was repeatedly physically assaulted and emotionally abused by other
kids – he had a tooth knocked out, he lost consciousness during one
attack. His mother's attempts to intervene with the school and the
department of education were met with the usual "bullying builds
character" bullshit. He switched schools but his psychiactric
condition meant that he just wasn't able to attend anymore after year
7.
He is currently a reclusive 18 year old with no friends and no chance
in finding employment who stays in his room all day. It was horrible
to see images in the papers of the pale, overweight teen, walking
alongside his mother, looking like a lump of nothingness.

Sad though it is, it's not an unusual story and I'm not entirely sure
I agree with suing schools, teachers and Education officials. It's a
difficult issue though. When faced with no help from teachers,
officials and bullies' parents in this situation, suing may have been
the only way for his mother to get a response.

When reading the responses of others towards this case, it shits me
that the "bullying build character" opinion is so widespread. I don't
think some people get the difference between being picked on or teased
a bit as a shy kid to being systematically tortured every single day.

I was picked on at school – particularly the early years of primary
school. Maybe it did help build my character. Maybe it didn't. But I'm
fine. I quite liked highschool actually, despite being one of the shy,
quiet kids.

On the other hand, My brother was systematically bullied throughout
his whole schooling experience. No one can say that that experience
had any positive impact on him. He's an incredibily intelligent person
who shuts himself off in his own world, has a menial job so totally
beneath his skills because he lacks the confidence to apply for
anything better, who is scared of speaking to people in authority, who
finds it hard to maintain any close relationships, and who currently
seems to be on a mission to eat himself to death.

I can't prove that the ongoing bullying was the cause of all his
issues, but I am convinced he'd be a different person if he was in a
supportive environment throughout all those years. I am angry at the
bully's mother who – when confronted by a teacher with my brother's
ripped clothing – decided to call my mum and tell her that "boys will
be boys". I don't believe the story that my brother broke his nose in
year 10 "playing soccer". I don't believe that placing the bullies in
after-school detention occasionally helped one bit – it just made them
bully him more. I don't believe in the crap that says you need to
teach kids self-defense and they'll be fine – there is no way that a
scared, timid boy should have to be placed in that situation. He was
unable to make friends during his first attempt at university and did
not complete the degree. Things got worse when he went travelling in
his early 20s – his first mark at independence – and was strangled and
mugged in Italy. The thugs even stole his glasses. That pushed him
back into a depressive state, unable to do much with his life. All the
counselling in the world isn't going to undo all those years.

One of my cousins – also a victim of bullying – is a recluse. He's 32,
he has no job, he lives in his room and doesn't leave the house. He
didn't even attend his brother's wedding. God knows what's going to
happen when his parents can't take care of him anymore. He hasn't seen
anyone but immediate family for years. It's horrible just to think
about it.

Thing is, not all victims turn into scared little puppy dogs. Some get
really bitter – you wont see them at school reunions because they're
too busy talking about how much they still hate everyone. Others
become defiant and take charge – out to prove that they will and can
overcome it.

I understand that people need skills to learn to cope with bullies
throughout their lives – including the widespread bullying that can
occur in the workplace – but allowing children to endure torture like
that will not help them in any way. It's extremely difficult to
address the issue – often bullies have huge issues themselves (we all
have stories of how the kid who picked on us turned out to be a wreck
as an adult) and with the whole issues of cyber-bullying, it's harder
to detect. I have no solutions to offer.

My main point though, is that the opinion that being bullied helps
kids in some way needs to be addressed. Do you think kicking a dog
every day and stealing its food will make it a better dog? No – you'll
end up either with the type of dog who is timid and scared and unable
to cope, or the type who shifts into attack mode. And neither of those
outcomes is good.

The MAGIC 8-BALL MUSIC MEME

2007-05-11T16:27:00.001+10:00

Stolen from deemacgee...

"Simple directions: use the shuffle function on your music player and
see what you come up with in answer to the following questions."

How does the world see you?
"Raspberry Swirl" – Tori Amos

Will I have a happy life?
"The Sensual World" – Kate Bush

What do my friends really think of me?
"Flame Trees" – Cold Chisel

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Both Sides Now" – Joni Mitchell

How can I make myself happy?
"Hyperballed (Brodsky Quartet version)" - Bjork

What should I do with my life?
"Feel It" – Kate Bush

Will I ever have children?
"Sail Away" – David Gray

What is some good advice for me?
"Flaunt It" – TV Rock

How will I be remembered?
"The Time is Now" - Moloko

What is my signature dancing song?
"2 Wicky" - Hooverphonic

What do I think my current theme song is?
"Special Ones" - George

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Sullen Girl" – Fiona Apple

What song will play at my funeral?
"This Mess We're In" – PJ Harvey feat. Thom Yorke

What type of men/women do you like?
"Sundress" – Ben Kweller

What is my day going to be like?
"Stuff and Nonsense" – Missy Higgins

Yeah – this post was utterly pointless...although come to think of it,
maybe if I shuffled the questions with some of the answers, it might
make more sense...

Sue them?

2007-05-10T11:27:00.001+10:00

I'm having my morning coffee and reading the paper and having a laugh
about Waise Yusofzai suing The Establishment for refusing him entry.

He wants $50,000 compensation in damages for being refused entry to a
nightclub.

$50,000?! It's just funny. Most people get over it and try at the next
place. He wants revenge. Mwhahahahaha!!!

Everyone knows that bouncers and door-bitches at pubs and clubs are racist.

They're told to be that way. It's in their job description.

No one would claim that they're not. Just try going for a night out
with boys who are of "Middle Eastern" or Mediterranean appearance,
Islander appearance (kinda ironic given that most bouncers are
Samoan), or any kind of Asian appearance. Actually, try hanging out
with any boy who isn't plain white bread. Bouncers either assume
they're going to cause trouble, or they reckon they don't have the
right image (I can't even begin to write about how offensive it is to
pronounce Thursday nights to be "Asian night" as they do in some
clubs). Oh, and if you look and sound like Westie trash, forget it.

No one needed the Scuffy Murphy owner to admit they racially profile
people – we already know it happens. Bouncers don't have to specify
"we're not letting you in because you look Egyptian and might cause
trouble" or "you're a weedy Chinese guy, you're not cool enough".
They just say some shit about your clothes or the place being full.
But it is nice to hear them actually admit it.

If you're a girl you're lucky, it doesn't really matter what ethnicity
you are. But non-plain-white boys get given a hard time. Gawd, I'll
never forget the sight of Hubby (who appears to be of indeterminate
ethnicity and whose lack of hair makes him look much rougher than the
gentle angel that he really is) being frog-marched out of Retro on
Sussex St for having this conversation:

Idiotic Bouncer: Don't stand there. You're not allowed to lean against the bar.
Hubby: (With a smile) Oh - I've been here all night.
Idiotic Bouncer: (Getting red in the face) I said, move!
Hubby: The other guy didn't say anything and I've been talking with
him (indicates another bouncer standing next to us).
Idiotic Bouncer: (Veins popping out of forehead) That's it! (Grabs
Hubby's arm, twists it behind his back, and deposits him outside.)

This was Retro! It's probably the daggiest club in Sydney!

But the world of clubbing is a strange place. Wherever you go.

Thing is though, I can't be bothered going to a place where they make
you line up outside, make you pay a "cover charge" to enter, employ
the world's stupidest people to judge you on your appearance, then
once you're in, charge crazy prices for drinks and place you in an
over-crowded, sweaty room with loud music. Well, okay, I admit that I
do like a big night out occasionally, but it's been nine years since
my days of going to those places every single week.

You reach a certain stage where it's much more fun to have proper
conversations with people whose idea of attracting a woman isn't
trying to grope you as you walk past.

Anyway, point is, bouncers and door-bitches are stupid. Being rejected
by them on the basis of appearance when you're not drunk, slovenly or
rowdy just shows how stupid they are. Maybe it's a good idea for
Waise Yusofzai to sue them so that they know they shouldn't treat
paying customers like shit. Although on the other side of the
spectrum, I've heard plenty of conversations in clubs that go "I can't
believe they let all those Westies in. They should bar them from
coming over the Bridge!" So maybe their customers want the segregation
and the clubs are just catering to those requests. But does that
justify it?

I reckon Waise Yusofzai comes across as pretty embarrassing with his
case – applying for tens of thousands to cover perceived psychological
damages and to also cover the cost of his $300 pair of shoes because
he had to walk to catch a cab from Central. He comes across as
self-centred and vain. But his case does make a point.

After all, it's unacceptable anywhere else to to say "no, you can't
come in" purely based on ethnic appearance.

Maybe those who are of "acceptable" appearance need to boycott the
worst offending places to show them that we don't like the way others
are treated.

I dunno how to solve this one.

But you know, on a similar note, I reckon those RSL door-bitches also
have a lot of explaining to do…

Dance with me

2007-05-07T16:45:00.001+10:00

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt,
and dance like no one is watching."

Everyone knows that saying.

Thing is, I won't do the first, can't do the second, and will only do
the third if I've drunk enough vodka tonics.

Our hang-ups make us what we are, our past creates us, and our present
situations mould us.

I don't think I'd want to be so free that I'd purposely act a certain
way despite my present situation and my past experiences. I think it
would be silly of me to do that. I'm naturally cautious – but that's
because of my experiences.
If I let go of that – I'd open myself up to the same mistakes – and I
really don't want to do that.

So I'll work the way I choose to work – steadily, dispassionately and
minimally but effectively.

I'll love the only way I know how – gently, deeply and with quiet-intensity.

And I'll dance the way I see appropriate for any given situation.

Randominity

2007-05-02T15:30:00.001+10:00

1. I am shit-scared of the whole giving birth thing. I think women who
are into the whole "I'm doing it naturally in a home bath with a
midwife and no pain killers" are loopy and should go back to the 19th
century where women died of childbirth and people had major operations
without anaesthesia. But I'm also scared of caesareans and epidurals
and all that crap too. No one is injecting stuff into my spine, ffs!

2. Breastfeeding in public can be so vile when the woman has no idea
how to be discreet. I love it when women do it with a beautifully
draped white blanket over their breast. So classic. But it's mentally
scarring to see a woman unbutton her shirt and fuss around with saggy
tits hanging out everywhere. Bleh.

3. I did that non-validated "What kind of weirdo are you?" personality
disorder test from over on deemacgee's blog. I'm glad to say that I
rated low on most items except for "avoidant" and "dependent". I was
moderate for both of those. So I both avoid and depend on people? I
spose so. I avoid the work colleagues and I depend on Hubby. It all
fits.

4. Speaking of deemacgee's blog, I skipped with a skipping rope
yesterday too! I hadn't done it in years. Man, am I glad I was wearing
a sports bra. That particular problem never seemed to be an issue when
playing skipping games at school.

5. I have met two people recently with PhDs and both are amongst the
most unbearably geeky people I've ever met. Don't get me wrong – a
certain type of geekiness is attractive. However, some geeks seem to
have high levels of some rather irritating aspects of geekiness and I
really don't find that attractive. Although I think it's almost
mandatory for a PhD to be a geek in some aspects, I just hope I'm not
that irritating type of geek. (Gawd – that made no sense at all).

6. Am I being discriminatory against geeks if I say that I'd never,
ever marry one? Hubby is as non-geeky as they come. Have I forsaken my
own kind? I don't mind being friends with geeks, but geeks are not my
type. I need a blokey man who gets things done and who doesn't try to
out-think me.

7. One of my pet peeves (apart from people who screw up their faces in
the disgust when faced with foods they've never tried before because
it's too "spicy" or "exotic" for them) are people who speak in
fake-sounding, high-pitched voices with multiple exclamation marks
after each phrase.
As in "Hello!!! Hi!! How are you?!!! It's so nice to see you!!!!!"
It makes me scream on the inside.

8. I cannot stand being cornered by parents who corner me solely to
talk incessantly about how their child is some super-intelligent,
freak-of-nature because they can read and write and some ridiculously
young age, while taking trumpet lessons and advanced Indonesian
language classes. There are no children in my family - therefore, I
have nothing to add to the conversation. How is one supposed to
respond to these comments?

9. On the same topic, why is it that everyone these days thinks their
child is so special and gifted when the kid is just sitting in the
corner, picking his nose or vomiting on her shoes? What's wrong with
saying you have a perfectly ordinary kid with a few oddities – just
like everyone else?

10. I really miss Big Brother Uncut. Damn them, those prudish people
who made complaints against an MA15+ rated show on Channel 10 in the
same timeslot that you can see naked Japanese lesbian sex scenes on
SBS! Why is one show deemed art while the other is judged smut? Both
are legitimate forms of entertainment if you ask me.

I'm a socialite! / Toxic friends

2007-04-27T14:44:00.000+10:00

Last weekend's shenanigans got me into the local paper!

That's right - there's a picture of me in the social pages from the
party I went to on Saturday night. They spelt my name wrong (I hate
when people add an "e" to my surname) but I am officially a socialite!

In other news...Hubby and his business partner are launching their new
company on the weekend. They have a car which has been branded and
they have new business cards and pamphlets and uniforms - it all looks
very cool. I'm not entirely sure they have a handle on the logistics
of it all (Hubby will still work full time for now and the business
will be run mainly on the weekend) but I have every faith in the
entrepreneurial spirit of the two boys.

One problem has been the third member of their little friendship
group. The one who isn't part of the new company.

He's been very outwardly jealous of it - saying stuff like "the car
looks like it's from a two dollar shop." (It doesn't - it looks
great!) Last night, we all went out for dinner as a celebration for
launching the company - but this particular friend was a little bitch
the entire night.

We all wanted to go to one place and he refused - not because of the
food - but because he got "bad vibes" from the place. So all of us
compromised and went where he was happy to go which ended up being
pretty expensive. The whole night, he was in this mood - making little
comments about the business - not toasting the others. He said that he
had a great lead for the guys - but he wouldn't tell them about it
unless he got a cut of the profits. A true friend would never say such
things to a couple of young guys starting out - they'd do their best
to encourage them and help out.

Anyway, I have the shits with him on Hubby's behalf. He's being a
toxic friend and that's not what we need at the moment.

Meanwhile though - yay - for I got on the social pages!! lol!

Priorities...

2007-04-24T17:20:00.001+10:00

So this was published in the Relationships column in the Lifestyle
section of the Sydney Morning Herald:

"I am expecting my first baby and looking forward to becoming a
mother. The only problem is my partner's attitude. I used to be a
model, and he's very proud of my body. He's suggested that I have a
caesarean, so that I stay tight. Also, he doesn't want me to
breastfeed because he believes it will ruin my boobs. I like to look
good, but I want to do what's best for my baby."

The answer given was oh so non-judgemental and sensible.

This is how I would have responded:

Dear Expectant Mother,
Run while you can, my dear!
You are partnered with an absolute loser.
Do you really want your kid raised by this shallow, image-obsessed ape?

Do you think a man who says things like this will love you and think
you're adorable when you're 80?
Do you think he's capable of seeing your inner beauty so that his
feelings for you wouldn't change if you were disfigured in a bad
accident?
Is he the type of guy who would say that your little stretch marks are
sweet or who kisses your laugh lines?

No.
This type of man will not be up at 4am with a crying baby just so you,
as an exhausted mother, can have a lie in.
This is not the type of man who has stopped checking out 16 year old
girls walking to school.
This is not the type of man who won't try to replace you for a 25 year
old once you turn 40.

You made a dumb enough decision getting pregnant to him in the first
place (although you're a model, brains aren't your strength, are
they?) But know that you will not be young and beautiful forever.

Also - the guy is putting his interests before your baby's health. Do
you really think someone that self-centred is capable of being a good
parent?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good. Everyone wants to
look good and everyone should put in some effort to look nice. But
there's a difference between spending a little time grooming and
making decisions based just on pure vanity.

You know what? The thought of giving birth naturally and breastfeeding
scares the crap out of me too because I've seen the crap my friends
have gone through. But some things more important that just thinking
"oh noes - I will be stretched and my boobies will sag - what will my
boyfriend think?!"

Thank you and good luck,
Jezzy.

Weekend roundup...

2007-04-23T16:48:00.001+10:00

I'm sitting here trying to keep my eyes open.

It's almost home time, but I had to get myself a coffee because I'm
not sure that I'm going to make it!

Got to work after 9am today.
Couldn't get out of bed and staying there for a cuddle session instead
seemed like a nice idea.

Went out for a friend's 26th birthday on Friday night.
Didn't get home until 4am and drunk waaay too much (vodka tonics with
lime are my new thing – not too sweet like cranberry). Started the
night drinking in Surrey Hills and ended up dancing in Kings Cross
(with a glass of wine – I need the wine to dance).

One of the guys there annoyed the crap out of me! I didn't have a
great impression of him to begin with because I knew he'd been
cheating on his girlfriend for ages. But I met his girlfriend on
Friday and she's lovely – a really sweet girl. And he was a total
tosser – to begin with, he made a rude comment to every prostitute we
walked past on Darlinghurst Rd – I can't stand that kind of behaviour.
Then he was giving directions to Hubby in our car – basically saying
the opposite of everything I'd say – even though I've lived here all
my life and he's Scottish. Anyway, it went on and on. But apart from
that I had a great night – I got to dance for hours and I haven't done
that in ages.

My poor feets still hurty!

Planting 90 bulbs in the front garden with a hangover on Saturday was
a new experience for me. It was quite back-breaking to get them all
in, so they'd better push up and flower in Spring!

My cousin's 21st birthday party on Saturday night was fun. Except his
long term girlfriend, who I've only met once before, is a total skank.
They've lived together for about three years and she organised the
party. She wanted to pay for it using my cousin's Christmas bonus
money, but his mother (my aunt) told her that wasn't appropriate (how
rude to want to use someone's money to pay for their own party)! So
she asked my aunt and my cousin's boss to fund the night. She didn't
contribute a cent. My aunt isn't that well off and I really don't get
how she managed to get his boss to pay. She didn't even invite his
family to the party but called my aunt on the day of the event to ask
her to decorate the function room and buy a cake. My aunt's arm is in
a sling – she had an accident recently – so we had to end up helping
out. Then his girlfriend gets up to do her speech and says – quite
seriously "Thanks for coming, firstly, I'd just like to thank myself
because I did a lot of work to organise this party."
Who says that?!
Besides, all she did was invite people via SMS and get other people to
pay for it.
Anyways. I can't say that he could do better – he's a bit of a dodgy
bogan himself.

On Sunday, we did the Great Fridge Swap.
When we bought the house, the space for the fridge in the kitchen was
smaller than our fridge. Luckily my brother bought a fridge last year
that was narrower. Yesterday we got around to swapping them over. We
hired a ute. It wasn't an easy task considering my brother lives up
four flights of stairs and fridges are heavy, delicate things, but we
got there.

And yay – for Big Brother is back on. I'm kinda annoyed that the
conservative element has kicked in and the last night uncut version
has been abolished. I'm also perplexed as to how this group could be
described as being from all walks of life when they're all young and
mostly blonde. Last night's launch wasn't that great either, but I
love Jamie so far – the self-described nerd. He's gorgeous.

Meanwhile, I haven't got anything done for the conference – must get
the abstract written!
I attempted to write a short bio as well because I'm an invited
speaker - and I just can't do it – it's so wanky to brag about onself
in the third person!
"Jezzy was awarded a thingy for such and such has published and
presented her research internationally and has blah, blah, blah."

Anyone have experience writing these things without sounding stupid?

Gardening and Research

2007-04-20T17:04:00.001+10:00

Autumn is such lovely gardening weather. I have much to do.

The gardenias are getting a few yellow leaves.
I'm wondering if the flowering camellias nearby are leaching some of
their nutrients. I'll try digging in some cow manure and dynamic
lifter and see how it goes. If that fails, I'll do the quick fix and
add some Epsom salts to give them a dose of magnesium sulfate. I don't
want to do that as a first option in case it mucks up the soil
balance.

I really enjoyed pruning the hydrangeas.
The garden bed down the side of the house now looks like I'm growing a
bunch of sticks with fat green promising buds. Some beds are pink and
some are blue. I'm not sure if I have to keep adding that stuff to
change the soil's acidity each year to maintain this effect.

I'm planting bulbs this weekend for a colourful Spring display come September.
I bought daffodils (they're so cute and happy), grape hyacinths for
the scent, and a heap of colourful St Brigid anemones.

My geranium cuttings have done so well.
I couldn't believe it when one of the cuttings started flowering one
week after being planted. Poster red. Looks great. Those things are
amazing and do really well in our dry climate. Little troupers, they
are.

As are lavender.
The row of Italian seedlings are coming along well. The row of French
lavender seems to be doing better - but I'm not sure why.

A few weeks ago, we put in a some Australian natives into the front
main garden bed.
I was wondering how they'd work in contrast to the glossy leaves of
the exotic camellias and gardenias there but I think they're looking
fine. I put some ground covering and low-growing grevillea, melaleuca,
fan flowers and native daisies to help prevent weeds, and also a NSW
Christmas bush next to the letterbox.

With the new lavender hedges trying to tie things together and the
colourful bulbs I'll be putting in, there'll be plenty of contrast
between the natives and exotics. We'll see if it all works!

I'm just trying to create that English cottage garden feel with an
Australian twist and the whole thing is supposed to look rambling and
colourful - it's not formal by any means so I hope it turns out and
doesn't just look messy.

The rain during March was great for the rainwater tank (those things
are excellent!) but not so good for the roses.
The aphids went away after I sprayed them with soapy, bicarb water and
I was keeping the black spot under control, but the low growing roses
in the main rose bed seem to have got a back attack of mildew from the
heavy rain in combination with the warm weather. I attempted to treat
them using non-chemical methods and have removed most of the infected
leaves but, like any good pharmacist, I know when it's important to
use the more heavy-duty stuff - I don't want them to die!

With the news today that the impact of the drought will lead to
souring vegetable and fruit prices, I'm keen to establish a veggie
garden.
I have pots with herbs on the balcony, but I'd like more variety.
Anyone have experience in this? I have a lot of land to spare behind
the pool, unfortunately it's not as sunny as the rest of the garden
because of the large trees growing around it, so I'm wondering how
well a veggie garden will do there. I don't want to do anything too
complex - just things like rocket, parsley, chilies, zucchini,
broccoli, potatoes, carrots, onions and maybe tomatoes (which I
remember growing with my Dad as a kid).

I quite like the area next to it - it's a rockery.
Because it's down the bottom of the garden, I put in all these little
plastic fairies under the plants there. (Yes, I like to amuse myself).

There's a weeping Japanese Maple there - it has such beautiful leaves.
I've always loved the scent of Lily of the Valley and was wondering if
it would be cool enough in Sydney's climate to grow these flowers
under this tree as it's the perfect spot for a park bench and how nice
would it be to have this shady, scented area to sit?

I pulled out the pink and purple petunias which have now gone to seed
from outside the front door. I replaced them with white pansies.
All-white is a very effective look. I think I'll stick to all one
colour with this row of annuals from now on.

Anyone have any gardening tips for me?
I'm pretty new to all this, but it's heaps of fun.

The weekend ahead will be quiet. I love quite weekends.

Apart from planting bulbs and treating the roses, I have to write an
abstract for a conference that I've been asked to speak at in China in
September.
I'm looking forward to it - it'll be my first presentation as Dr Jezzy.
But there's things to sought out - like my visa, writing the actual
presentation (which will require getting myself up-to-date in research
in my PhD area) and working out how to pay for it. (They're paying for
my registration and giving me another 500 euros, but it's nowhere near
enough to cover travel and accommodation and I hate my huge mortgage -
have I told you that? Yes, I have. A million times!).

I'm also going to meet up with my PhD supervisors in a couple of weeks.

Actually, scrap that.

I mean, I'm going to meetup with my research co-authors in a couple of
weeks (hehe) to write some papers for publication.

I haven't had anything published in a while (tis getting boring to
Google myself) and haven't been in the mood to write since I submitted
the thesis last year so it's going to take a lot of effort to get this
done while working full-time. Then again, I really shouldn't complain.
Most of you guy have kids. I don't.
Theroretically, it shouldn't matter that I work full-time and every
second Saturday. I should have plenty of time for publishing papers...

If only they could all be this interesting...

2007-04-18T13:03:00.001+10:00

"Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again..."

Actually, no I didn't.
I dreamt I went to Melbourne again.

I was visiting a friend who has recently left Sydney to live in our
southern rival.
With me, for some reason, was my Aunt's ex-husband who I haven't seen
in 20 years, my grandmother who doesn't live in Australia and can
barely walk, and a small male child.

Melbourne wasn't Melbourne as you, or anyone, would know it.
It was a futuristic city with fly-overs and flying cars – there were
no characteristic trams, quaint cafés or pretentious twits walking
about.

We went to an art gallery – as I've done with this particular friend
every other time we've been in Melbourne together.

But it wasn't a normal art gallery – it was an out-of-this-world art gallery.
The sort that would be easily digestible by even the type of person
who usually looks at modern art and says "I don't know nothing about
all this so-called fancy art but I knows what I likes when I sees it".

We went to this exhibition which we'd seen advertised as being
"really, really cool". Instead of walking around, we had to get into
these little go-cart things which zoomed down the art gallery
corridors - which were dark.
Dark as in black.

So dark that you couldn't actually see any of the stuff on the walls.

So while we were zooming along on these carts - in the dark - someone
was commentating on the pieces that were presumably hung on the walls.

That we couldn't see, as it was dark.

The commentator had this deep voice. And he had a formidable nose,
sexy eyes and short grey hair – although I have no idea who I know
this since I didn't ever see the speaker – it being dark and all.

Every so often, there was a flash of light and all we could see were
colours all around – like a Jackson Pollack painting – or vomit after
a big night – and then it went dark again and all we could see were
the dancing bits of light you get when someone takes a photo in the
dark using flash and your eyes are going "Shit – that was bright! Ow –
mine eyes!"

And then we reached the end and the cart went outside and tipped over
and we were left sitting on the pavement, blinking in the daylight.

But while I was having this dream, I remember thinking "that is such a
great concept – all art galleries should be like this!"

I think there must've been someone bad in my dinner last night.

Anyone good at interpreting dreams?

Yes, Interesting!

2007-04-15T09:30:00.000+10:00

Thanks for your wonderful comments, people.

I now know that:

1. The quiet life is too much to ask for - blame the freaking world! But drama makes life interesting. Very true, Fudge.

2. I am not a natural risk-taker, I apparently don't know what I want, and I fear the unknown. I know I'm boring, okay Jim!? But I'd much prefer a granny-type existence of pottering around, gardening, cooking, knitting and reading.

3. Upheavals that we create are better than the ones we don't. Yep, deemacgee, and many of the upheavals from the past 18 months which have caused the most angst are the ones out of my control.

4. I haven't yet reached my peak of boringness yet until I talk of baby sleep times and poo. But that's not entirely true, Ginchy - you can post much better, and cuter, photos than I can - and new mothers have very interesting things to ponder.

5. Amanda is afeared of getting married!! Quick - put the girl in a white dress! Gaaah!!

6. There's nothing wrong with Rich, Rich is lovely. And has gorgeous blue eyes.

7. I'm guess I'm glad I'm not one of "those girls" anymore, but I *did* like the attention, Cazzie. Doesn't matter that I'm happily married, I do miss being noticed! Turning invisible sucks big time. But hey, tragic karaoke sounds great.

8. I need to get my head out of the sand and take part in some practical decision-making regarding all of this. Thanks for the advice, Jilly Bean.

9. I am mutating fast into Phase 2 of my life. Or maybe I'm already there! Gaaah! I love Mr Guinness' excellent theory (go forth and read, good people), but I never thought he'd call me a mutant!

10. My 30s are going to be better than my 20s, if I'm anything like JPD. Which is bloody great! Yayness!

Interesting?

2007-04-12T11:19:00.001+10:00

While I don't envy my single friends at all (it's quite a jungle out
there) I'm sure they don't envy me either.

Life is nice and free as a single girl, but it can be lonely - and a
little scary as time goes by and there's no decent men and you're not
getting any younger or prettier...

Life is also nice as a married girl, but it can be frustrating. It's
the nesting years - they are joyful - but also scary.

We're doing some tricky nesting in these years before the "having
kids/body clock ticking"-thing sets in. We've mortgaged ourselves up
to to eyeballs so that we can live somewhere pretty and buy
investments for the future. And while things are really financially
tight for us right now, I know it'll all be okay in a year or two.

But the other thing causing financial stress is Hubby's desire to quit
his job and start his own business in partnership with a friend.

While I have every reason to trust his capabilities, it comes at a
time where financial stability is paramount for us - we can't afford
even a small drop in earnings.

He's trying to do it the safe way - he'll work at it evenings and
weekends and not quit his job until the income coming from the new
business is stable - but it's not going to be easy in the first year
at all - and it'll really test our relationship.

I'm glad that he's in a partnership because the other guy is a good
businessman and they work well together, but it's very, very stressful
to think about the leap from him being an employee earning a good
salary, to being out there, supporting himself.

I just hate that feeling.

I like my regular paycheck.

We all crave stability in our lives. We hate feeling unsure about
things like money, shelter, food, health, safety.

While I know money can't buy happiness, a good extra $20,000 in the
bank will make me very happy indeed because without the money stress,
I'd be fine about Hubby doing his thing and I won't be worrying about
paying bills and balance transfers and wanting to live life a bit more
spontanaeously again instead of always saying things like "we can't go
to the movies, we've already been out once this month."

I don't want to be rich. Rich people do not impress me at all.
I just want a money buffer - just enough to meet our needs plus a bit
more, just in case - so that I can go back to my no-worries lifestyle.

Anyway, back to my comparison with my single friends.

While the single girls can wail endlessly about boys and the lack of
decent men etc, the rantings of a married woman about bills and
finances are decidedly boring.

People like hearing about relationships. Love, the ins and outs of
things (as it were), the oh-so endless despair of rejection (woe is
me), and musings about what he really wants and what he really means
when he says such-and-such.

People don't really enjoy hearing about money, property, finances. Or
even politics, religion or any other grown-up topic. It's just not
thrilling.

Do women hit a period in our lives where we can no longer talk about
anything interesting anymore?

Where people say "What did you do on the weekend?" and all you can say
is "I worked an extra shift at the pharmacy, put some manure around
the camellias, went for a nice walk at the beach, watched a bit of TV
and went to church" instead of "OMG, I had such a gr8 time - I met
this guy and he was teh hotness!!!1 Then I woz so drunk I fell ova and
spewed in my hair - w00t - soooo funyy?!"

But I don't want that either.

I was talking to a friend about how these are also the "becoming
invisible" years, where going out is actually becoming scary. You look
around and the room is full of girls who are younger, thinner,
prettier, less bitter, more bouncy.
Those are the girls who are noticed - not us.

We used to be those girls.

I don't want those years back, but I also don't like the thought that
life will never be as easy as it was back then. And that I didn't
appreciate just how good I had it. I know things have to get tough to
reap rewards - building isn't supposed to be easy - but I don't want
these worries.

I don't want the high life, the parties, any of it. I don't want to be
rich beyond my dreams. I don't want spectacular, spectacular. But I
don't want this sort of stressful drama either.

Right now, I crave stillness in my life.
Quiet joy.

Is that too much to ask?

This sounds terribly mean but...

2007-04-10T22:32:00.000+10:00

...the new girl at work who sits in the cubicle next to mine has a bit of a body odour problem.

She's a lovely girl, but smells like a footballer's armpit after a particularly strenuous grand final. Even when she gets to work at 8am.

By the time the early afternoon has arrived, the smell has permeated to a clean 5 metre radius of her desk.

It's not so awful that I can't live with it, that's not my problem. God knows a bit of armpit smell is a perfectly natural thing.

My problem is I don't want anyone to think it's me!

What to do?!

Why am I not surprised?

2007-04-09T11:48:00.000+10:00

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract geeks! Your stunning intellect and love of sci-fi and video games allures the geeks like nothing else. Maybe it is the sparkle in your eye that makes them want to text you, who knows. Geeks make good partners, but tend to be arguementative. If you are a TRUE geek magnet, you will know if that was spelled correctly, and actually care. If it is a bad-boy/bad-girl you are seeking, you are barking up the wrong tree, unless they are just 'bad' behind a PS2 console.
You attract Yuppies!
You attract artsy people!
You attract unstable people!
You attract rednecks!
You attract models!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

How much do you ever really change?

2007-04-04T19:53:00.000+10:00

When I was three I started pre-school.

Mum was eager to hear from my teachers. She thought I was smart. I could write my name, count, write my alphabet, and I loved books.

But her first feedback from the teaching staff wasn't positive.

She was told that I didn't make friends easily, was very clingy to one other child, and didn't say much.

And I haven't changed much.

I still don't make friends easily. That's not to say that I don't have friends and don't make friends. But I'm not great, for example, in making myself known in the work environment. I'm slow to warm to others and I'm not great with small talk. I don't fit easily into groups, I'm not a natural team player and people don't come to me for advice. I'm nice enough and I think I'm liked, but I'm too quiet to really be noticed.

It's so strange to think that no matter how much I achieve, how confident and together I can pretend to be, how much I grow and change - I'm still that quiet, shy three-year-old.

And I still love books.

We often look back on our lives and marvel at how much we've changed and developed.

But do you ever look back and see just how much you *haven't* changed?

(As an aside, I didn't last long in pre-school. Shortly after the above, we moved from England to Australia and I stayed at home until I started Kindy. And every year until I finished high school, my report card said "Quiet and diligent. Needs to speak up more." And then I joined the corporate world and my performance review last December pretty much said the same thing. *sigh*)

Ladder Theory

2007-03-30T12:30:00.001+10:00

It's not the newest site, but I really enjoyed this read...

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

100 things - Warning - really long post!

2007-03-27T16:46:00.001+10:00

I had a great time graduating on Friday – thanks for the comments. As
for the request for pictures – I won't be posting any here but I might
email some when I get around to it.

(And sorry, JPD – no puffy sleeves – the PhD gown at Sydney University
is a little more restrained! However, I do like seeing academics in
their graduation gear from other Universities – especially the English
ones – with colourful, puffy sleeves and boofy hats and all sort of
court jester material. Very theatrical! Mine was just the usual black
gown and hat thing but with a scarlet silky thing on top – sorry, am
not very good with descriptive words today. Was bluddy hot to wear –
wish I had a bikini on underneath!)

Hmmm, the walls are all naked in this building. Whatever art rental
service this company uses has come and taken away all the paintings!
The place looks dreary without them.

Okay, even though I've blogged since 2005, I've never posted one of
those "100 Things About Me" lists. So here goes...let's see if you can
spot anything that you didn't already know!

1. I'm 27, turning 28 in June.
2. I was born in England, moving to Australia when I was 4.
3. My parents are from Malaysia and India.
4. I have one brother. He's turning 30.
5. I was married on Valentine's Day 2004, to Hubby.
6. I've known Hubby since I was a kid.
7. We fell in love when I was 19.
8. He's English and has an adorable accent.
9. We were in a long-distance relationship from 1998 until three
months before our wedding. I loved the back and forth travel to
England.
10. The long-distance thing really suited me at the time.
11. Okay, #9 isn't strictly true – we spend a whole year in the same
country in 2001 when Hubby was here on a working holiday. Other than
that though, we were never together more than three weeks of the year.
12. Our mothers trained together as nurses in the 1970s.
13. Hubby has very strange parents – his Dad only speaks to him when
he's not getting along with a girlfriend, and he no longer speaks to
his mother.
14. My parents are also very strange – but in a good way – we speak to
them everyday and see them many times a week.
15. Hubby's nickname is "angel" – he's almost all sweetness and light.
16. When I say "almost" I mean don't mess with him or anyone he cares
for. He's sweet but not silly.
17. I'm a pharmacist but only work one day a fortnight in a pharmacy.
18. I work full-time for a pharmaceutical company.
19. I have a PhD in pharmacy.
20. My research was sociological.
21. My current work has nothing to do with my PhD and having one
doesn't make a difference to my pay or job title.
22. #21 makes me feel like a bit of a sell-out but I can't afford the
pay cut I'd cop if I worked in academia.
23. I find people who feel the need to pop pills and visit their
doctor for prescriptions when they have minor colds and headaches very
bizarre - but the ones who impose this hyperchondriac point-of-view on
their children really get to me.
24. I find people who refuse to vaccinate their children or take
antibiotics for a bacterial infection that isn't getting better,
preferring something with unproven clinical benefit because it is
"natural", completely infuriating and a threat to public health and
think they should spend some time living in the 19th century where
people died of measles and infections that are entirely treatable
these days.
25. I like making friends with people who are completely different to
me. It's boring to hang around people who have the same, for example,
political views, religious or cultural background, etc.
26. I am newly obsessed with gardening ever since we bought a house last year.
27. I spend at least an hour working in the garden every Sunday. It
slows me down and helps me appreciate the grace and beauty that
surrounds me.
28. I go to church almost every Sunday. It also slows me down and
helps me appreciate the grace and beauty that surrounds me.
29. It gives me a healthy dose of energy and perspective for the week.
30. I hate the way all Christian churches are portrayed in the media.
The good, quiet work of so many dedicated people are disregarded in
favour of the insane views of extremists.
31. I'm Catholic. Hubby is becoming Catholic too this coming Easter.
32. One of the reasons I still work at a local pharmacy is that, along
with going to church, it keeps me in touch with the local community.
33. I think it's hugely important to feel close to one's local
community and I think the "cult of the individual" is a very sad
thing.
34. I think that it's ridiculous that many large companies no longer
support charities run by religious organisations. Many worthy
charities are run by different religious groups and to cut them out is
political correctness gone mad.
35. I think that almost everyone goes through that teenage state where
they reject and question all forms of authority, and I think that
process is important. But I think many people get stuck there and that
fewer people are making it through to the other side where they learn
to continually look for deeper truths.
36. Even though I wouldn't call myself left-wing or right-wing, I do
have strong views regarding politics.
37. I find myself annoyed by people on both sides of politics.
38. I'm judgemental. I try not to be, but I am.
39. For example, when I see a very overweight person present with
prescription for their Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, cholesterol,
reflux etc, I think "Gawd, lose some weight and you wont be on any of
this stuff!"
40.I reckon a lot of health professionals think the same way.
41.I hate when people argue with me when I'm so plainly right!
42.I do have a softer side, and visiting homeless people with St
Vincent de Paul has made me re-think how difficult it is to be in
control of one's life.
43.It also made me think about how we all make stupid mistakes. All of
us. We do stupid illogical things, even if our heads are screaming at
us to stop.
44.I want to do more volunteer work in my spare time.
45.But I worry that I'm not very good with people.
46.I get tongue-tied when I'm in a crowd of people in a social
situation and have to speak informally.
47.But I love lecturing and I have no fear of doing a formal speech.
48.I'm continually amazed at the stupidity of the general public.
49.I'm also continually amazed by the talents of certain people –
whether they are intellectual, creative or emotional talents.
50.I read the Sydney Morning Herald online everyday.
51.I love the letters section. I especially love letters from people
who have that dry sense of humour.
52.I was almost as excited at having a silly letter published
first-bill in the Sydney Morning Herald, as when I had my own research
papers published in scientific journals.
53.I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up but now I know
that it's a continual thing – I'm not suddenly going to get there.
54.I've always been the "quiet type".
55.I don't have a big group of friends who regularly meet up and hang
out together all the time.
56.But I do have lots of lovely friends when I think about it,
although I never see them as much as I should.
57.I'd much rather have just a few close friends than loads of people
calling me up all the time.
58.I've been called "cold and distant" but I'm not. I'm just not
always that great at getting close to people.
59.I don't think I've ever been as shocked as the moment Hubby was
diagnosed with testicular cancer in Nov 2005.
60.You know how people say "you never think it's going to happen to
you?" Well, they're right.
61.I worry everyday that his cancer will come back.
62.I've changed a hell of a lot over the last 18 months because of all
the stuff that Hubby and I have gone through.
63.When you encounter too much stress all at once, something changes
inside your head permanently. That's what I reckon anyway.
64.I worry about my parents getting older and I'm scared of something
happening to them.
65.I tend to get along well with people older than me. Especially
friends' parents.
66.I'm attracted to people who are a little different.
67.I am obsessed with Kate Bush and Tori Amos. Especially Kate. She's a genius.
68.I love reading Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels.
69.I am still obsessed with Jane Austen. I will always love Mr Darcy.
Especially as portrayed by Colin Firth.
70.My school teachers loved me.
71.I went to a private, Catholic all-girls' school.
72.I got the shock of my life when I went to University and saw how
rude and disrespectful people – especially boys – were in tutorials.
73.Sometimes I worry that I care too much.
74.The thing I miss most about doing my PhD isn't the work, it's the
people. I miss working in an environment where I fit in.
75.I call Hubby way too many times during the day when I'm at work. I
never used to do this.
76.If I didn't need to work, I'd spend my time reading in libraries,
going to exhibitions, museums, films and concerts, learning new
talents and crafts, gardening, cooking and playing my piano.
77. #76 makes me sound like a retiree. But that's cool. I have no
interest in spending my spare time getting drunk and throwing up all
over myself like some other people my age.
78. I'm short-sighted. I wear contact lenses – or glasses if my eyes
are playing up.
79. I have curly, dark brown hair which I blow dry straight every so often.
80. I'm always trying to lose 5kg.
81. I love living in Sydney but I hate peak hour traffic here.
82. I hate getting out of bed in the morning!
83. I love going to bed at night – especially with a good book.
84. I hate driving. I freak out in heavy traffic. I'm a terrible driver.
85. I can't park in car parks. I just can't manoeuvre the car to fit!
86. Hubby often tells me that I need to accept that other people have
a right to their own opinion.
87. Our last big argument was over a friend of his who was into
homeopathic medicine. I said that it's unethical to charge people
money to for substances that have been diluted so much that they only
contain the "essence" of the original ingredient, which have never had
any proof of any clinical efficacy when compare with placebo, and that
properly trained naturopaths should not sell such products but stick
to quality-assured herbs and vitamins with clinical benefit.
88. Hubby couldn't see anything wrong with selling people things that
have a placebo effect if it gives them hope and makes them feel
better.
89. I told him that sort of thinking was removed from the traditional
practice of medicine and pharmacy years ago and that it's not right to
dupe the general public like that.
90.I have to accept that sometimes I need to agree to disagree.
91.Even if the other person is blatantly wrong and misinformed.
92.I hate having a huge mortgage and often think that we'd have so
much spare cash if we just left this expensive city.
93.I wish I wasn't one of those invisible people. It would be nice to
be one of those characters who everyone remembers.
94.If anyone is still reading at this point, they either have a very
long attention span, a need to skip to the end of books, or they're
champion time-wasters.
95.I love Hubby.
96.He's so lovely and warm to cuddle.
97.I often suffer from cuddle-stuckness in the mornings. That's my
excuse for not getting out of bed and to work on time.
98.I love Big Brother and Australian Idol. Those are my mind-emptying
escape mechanisms.
99.I was always picked last for sports teams at school. This has
probably scarred me for life.
100. I live for the moments of "yayness".

It's PhD Graduation Day!!

2007-03-23T08:07:00.000+11:00

I have the day off work to graduate!

I'm just quickly popping in to write - I need to go get changed now.

Yay!!

Cat/baby

2007-03-22T14:29:00.001+11:00

We were walking home the other day and this cat came up to us and took
an instant liking to Hubby.

She was really snuggling around Hubby's legs and pandering for his attention.

Now Hubby is a sucker for any type of affection, and even though he
normally doesn't like cat, afterwards he was saying "maybe we should
just get a little kitten. They're sweet, aren't they?"

Well, yes. So are puppies. So are most baby, furry things.

But we won't be getting a cute, cuddly pet. Not until they invent
little cats and dogs that:

1. Don't have bodily functions.
2. Don't destroy furniture/garden beds.
3. Don't have an ecological impact on native Australian wildlife.
4. Can cope for long hours/days/weeks of inattention, when necessary.
5. Don't get sick or require vet visits.
6. Don't eat – using up money and precious resources that should be
spent on humans.
7. Don't shed hair or harbour allergens.
8. Don't bark or demonstrate annoying behavioural problems.

Which makes me think why I'd even want a pet in the first place.

For me, the sole purpose of a pet is to have something that is cute,
warm and cuddly.
The fact that they need to be fed and looked after is just an annoyance.
Pets are pretty much just child substitutes.

Now, people have babies also because they are cute, warm and cuddly.

The whole reason parents feel a pull at the cockles of their heart
when they look at their offspring is because babies are tiny and sweet
and as they turn into toddlers, they say and do cute things (which
offset the impact of the screaming and tantrums that go along with
it). Then they grow up and the parents feel that any achievement of
the child is a reflection on their skills as a parent which makes the
entire exercise a huge, expensive, vanity project. Or the kids don't
turn out that perfect which makes the parents feel needed and
important like some sort of symbiotic-dependency relationship. Or else
the kids turn into selfish teenage nightmares, mixing with the wrong
crowd, and the parents wonder what went wrong and the view the whole
thing as a heartbreaking waste of time.

Now don't get me wrong, I like babies. Basically because I think they
are very cute and warm and cuddly.
Young children are a completely different story. If babies came out
acting like two year olds, I doubt anyone would bother to have one.
Those things are horrid.

The whole thing is an evolutionary trick, and the fact that I do plan
to have kids in a few years' time proves that I'm as much a sucker to
it as anyone.

But in the mean time, I really don't see myself getting a pet.
Even if they do snuggle up against my legs in an affectionate way and purr.
I will not be won over by cuteness!

Election

2007-03-21T16:05:00.001+11:00

It's state election time this Saturday the 24th of March.
I am well aware that hardly any of my readers live in this grand state
of New South Wales, but bear with me.

Actually, don't. I really don't have anything to say except that
doesn't Labor's cringeworthy "Heading in the right direction" tag
sound a little too much like "We're Woolworths the Fresh Food people"?

What's wrong with single men?!

2007-03-19T17:20:00.001+11:00

Life's tough for single girls in Sydney.

On Friday night, we tried to set up a friend with a guy who seemed, at
first, to be rather suitable for her. It turned out to be an absolute
disaster.

Let me explain.
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Mandy has been single for almost three years following the break up of
a seven year relationship.
She's 28, a lawyer, smart and blunt. She's not a girly-girl – choosing
to eschew skirts, makeup, heels and hairdressers in favour of comfort.
She's busy with her job, studying for her Masters degree and her
various sporting commitments. Intensely practical and to-the-point,
she's not the type to flirt or attempt to win over a guy by going out
of her way to be nice. But there's no bullshit about her, she's honest
and very real.

Another friend of ours, Nina, decided it would be nice to set Mandy up
with Nina's boyfriend's friend – a guy called Nick.

Are you still with me?

Okay. Well, we all met up for dinner on Friday night – Hubby and I,
Nina and her boyfriend, and Mandy.

Nick turned up late.

And drunk.
Very drunk.

His first words were "if this is boring, I'm leaving." And it went
downhill from there.

Don't get me wrong, I had a *great* time. I thought the whole thing
was so cringeworthy that it was hilarious.
Mandy had no idea we were trying to set her up with Nick and was
totally confused when Nick kept saying things like "I can tell she
doesn't like me. I think the feeling's mutual. It's just not going to
work out between us. What's your name again? I find you very
attractive but I don't think things are going to work out between us."

He was one of those guys who thought they were oh, so, uber-deep. I
had the misfortune of sitting opposite him, so the majority of his
"deep thoughts" were thrown my way. Or towards my cleavage anyway.

His conversation went like this "The most important thing is life is
to be happy. It's just so important, to find happiness. Everything
else isn't important, but you must be happy." Cue long,
verbal-diarrhoea rant about
women/life/happiness/relationships/women/relationships/women/happiness
ad nauseum.
Oh please!!

He then went on to give way too much detail about his sex life before
turning to poor Mandy and saying "the reason you're not interested in
me is because you're too busy with your lawyer-chick work. Shuddup
lawyer girl! You are so busy with your job that you can never be happy
and can never meet men."

Cue shocked look from Mandy who usually never misses a beat.

I said "What makes you think the reason she wouldn't go for you is
because of her job?! And what makes you think she's not happy? And
what makes you think there isn't anything wrong with *you*?!"

And on it went. Eventually he got into a fight with some guys at the
table next door by making an extremely crude comment regarding one of
their girlfriends.

*sigh*

So...

Q1: Why is it that I know so many intelligent, honest, good-natured,
independent, terrific women who can't seem to find a decent man in
this city?

Q2: Are all the men leftover by the time you get to our age total
freaks - or are we just less willing to settle?

Q3: Are all the decent ones married/ stuck in live-in relationships/ gay?

Q4: What gives some men the impression that this kind of behaviour is
going to work for them?

Another meme stolen from Lulu....(or call it lazy blogging!)

2007-03-16T16:09:00.001+11:00

Ten movies you'd watch over and over:

Hmmmm, these are not necessarily my favourite movies, but ones I
really enjoy seeing multiple times.

1. Muriel's Wedding (so perfect in so many ways!)
2. High Fidelity
3. Amelie
4. The Princess Bride
5. Lost in Translation
6. Moulin Rouge
7. Being John Malkovich
8. Gentleman Prefer Blondes
9. Love Actually
10. ***insert another movie here – I just can't think at the moment***

Nine people you enjoy the company of:

1. Hubby – the best one of all!
2. Friends
3. Family.
I'm not picking 9 people only! It would reveal that I have favourites.

Eight things you're wearing:

1. Jewelled sandals
2. Dark blue jeans
3. Green kimono top
4. Watch
5. Wedding ring
6. Undies (because I'm not Britney or Lindsay)
7. Bra (I'm running out of things here...)
8. Glasses (I'm having problems with my contact lenses at the moment)

Seven things on your mind:
1. What to buy for Mum for her 60th birthday next week (she's so hard
to buy for)
2. What to cook for her party at our place next week
3. Why I ate that extra piece of pizza when I'm supposed to be trying
to lose weight
4. I am having a good hair day. My curls look both soft and defined.
Well, I think so anyway. It's hard work maintaining curly hair so that
it looks like that of a Botticelli angel.
5. Should I go for a jog tonight? (yes, I should. Dunno whether I will)
6. Have my cousins stopped trying to kill each other and will they try
to kill each other if I invite them both to my Mum's party next week?
7. Do I have time to get changed before going out for dinner?
(Yeah, none of it's deep or interesting. But there's nothing deep or
interesting on my mind, most of the time.)

Six objects you touch every day:
1. Keyboard and mouse
2. Toothbrush
3. Wallet
4. Keys
5. Mobile phone
6. Lip gloss

Five things you do everyday:

1. Dress myself
2. Shower
3. Put on makeup
4. Eat
5. Sleep

Four bands or musical artists that you couldn't live without:
1. Kate Bush (I'm so obsessed and have been for years.)
2. Tori Amos
I love a whole lot more, but the rest, I am able to live without.

Three of your favorite songs of the moment:
Hmmmm, checking the most played songs in my ipod...
1. Perfect Now – Sarah Blasko
2. Hyperballad (Brodsky Quartet version) – Bjork
3. Both Sides Now – Joni Mitchell

Two people who have influenced your life the most:
a. My parents (who are two people but it's the balance of their
personalities that have been the biggest influence.)
b. Dr I - my high school Studies of Religion teacher who was brilliant
and interesting and encouraged us to think.

One person who has been nice to you today:
1. Hubby for sending me this text message: "You are the love of my
life. Speaking to you just cheered me up for the afternoon. Love you.
X"
Awwwww. He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I'm too insecure to tag, do it if you wish.

When I was a kid (meme stolen from Lulu)

2007-03-14T17:24:00.001+11:00

When I was a kid, I thought 30 was middle-aged. Expect me to had a
mid-life crisis any day now.

When I was a kid, I led my Barbies in complex, day-by-day play, in the
manner of The Bold and the Beautiful or similar soap opera. I had one
male doll and the sole aim of every female doll was to have sex with
him. He got laid heaps even though he didn't have any genitals.

When I was a kid, I never thought I'd marry someone who I would daily
compete with in a loudest fart competition. (I always win.)

When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to fall in love and I couldn't wait
for someone to love me just as much as I loved him. It was going to
be spectacular. A passionate romance of epic proportions. I was such
a hopeless romantic.

When I was a kid, I fell totally and absolutely in love with Mr Darcy
from Pride and Prejudice. I still loves him!

When I was a kid, I had a huge crush on Captain Jean-Luc Picard from
Star Trek: The Next Generation. He was so sexy when he said "make it
so". Maybe that's why I married a bald man with an English accent.

Weeds vs Jezzy

2007-03-11T17:51:00.000+11:00

I've been spending Sunday arvo weeding in my garden.

Some weeds are easy to kill.

You just get the pressurised weed pump spray and let it rip. The ones around the back of the pool were like these. You don't really have to concentrate too much to get rid of them, there's no other plants nearby. In two weeks time, they'll be weed corpses.

Other weeds grow through the cracks and pebbles in the driveway.
Those are easy to get rid of too. You just point and spray with the weed gun, being careful of the nearby garden beds.

Other weeds grow in the garden beds. You can easily dig most of them out, making sure you get all the roots so that they don't grow back. You have to do it, bit by bit, on a regular basis so they don't overrun your garden.

The worst weeds, however, are the ones that grow through the middle of rose bushes.

For weeks I just pulled at them because I couldn't get to the roots properly and they just grew back the next week. But today, I was more determined. I took off the garden gloves (as I couldn't feel properly with them on) and I dug with my shovel and felt around with my fingers for the roots of the weeds.

It worked. I got the weeds out by the roots!

Although now I'm covered in cuts from the rose thorns and my nails are utterly destroyed and caked in mud.

I know they'll grow back eventually but they're gone for now and it felt good to get to the root of them. Those were the hardest weeds to get rid of but the most satisfying to see gone.

Yes, I suppose there's something symbolic in there somewhere - make what you want of it.

More randominity....

2007-03-07T16:47:00.001+11:00

I keep on thinking "On Wednesday night I'll catch up on commenting on
everyone's blogs." But it never works out that way.

I do read - via an RSS feed – but can't comment as all your sites are
blocked at work. I can post to my own blog via email – when it works –
but somehow I feel less apart of this little blogging community when I
can't comment. So I feel all left out.

Ah well. I'm a quiet girl on the whole, I don't say that much and I'm
a natural outsider, so there's nothing new there!

I rarely get time to go online at home in the evenings.
Don't ask me why, I have no kids, my evenings aren't full of
tantalising social events – I just seem to be caught up doing lots of
things. By the time Hubby and I cook dinner, eat it, and spend time
together (usually coming up with excusing for why we should watch TV
instead of going for a walk), it's time to get a book out and go to
bed.

On Wednesday nights, Hubby plays soccer so I usually think I'll be
able to squeeze in an hour or two of blog commenting. But, as per
usual, there's always something on. Anyway, I suppose you'll have to
imagine me commenting on your posts, and replying to your comments on
my posts. I'll write something witty, you'll laugh and think about
what an attractive mind I have, etc etc. lol

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday I had a conversation with the mother of my piano/violin
student. I used to teach his sister piano too - until she turned 13
and went from being a sweet, friendly girl to a rude, moody,
bad-tempered nightmare.
Her mother was telling me all about how she can't cope with the now 14
year old. The girl regularly gets home from school two hours late with
no explanation, she meets up with strange boys from the Internet, she
hangs out with a very wrong crowd. It's enough to give any parent
nightmares. The problem her mother has is that she doesn't know who to
turn to for advice. Her friends don't seem to have those sorts of
problems with their kids. And even though it's probably something the
girl with grow out of as her hormones settle, that hope is no
consolation now.

Anyway, I recommended joining the local Tough Love support group. I've
heard a few parents at church talking about it and, having no other
advice to offer, I found out a bit more information about it for her.
Hopefully talking to other parents will help. I really liked that girl
– I taught her piano from the time she was 6 years old and it's sad to
see her turn out into a bit of a mess.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hubby is still not that happy about work, but it's getting better. He
works in sales for a high-quality print company and he specialises in
new business. It's a difficult job in the best of times, but with the
shift towards sending information such as annual reports via email,
it's only getting harder and more competitive to get work. But a lot
of companies still need good quality print material – he just has to
stay focussed and try new techniques. Starting a new job is always
hard, but it doesn't help that they've put him in a room on a
different floor to the other print reps. He misses his friends from
his old job and hasn't clicked with anyone at the new place.

Then again, me too, and started this job over a year ago. *sigh*

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We've been trying to become early risers.
See http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/05/how-to-become-an-early-riser/

It worked for two days but today we just *had* to sleep in.
By early riser, I don't mean 5am, we just want to get up at 6.30am
without pressing the snooze button three times, have a decent
breakfast while sitting down, have time to do my hair properly, have
time to not rush around like a frazzled chook every morning and have
enough time to not turn up late for work!

I like sleep. Sleep is nice.

I wish I had that early riser mentality...

WTF?

2007-03-05T13:54:00.001+11:00

I laughed my arse off when I read about the alternate Wikipedia -
Conservapedia - and doubled-checked to make sure it wasn't April
Fools' Day.

I don't even know where to begin in writing about how ridiculous this
concept is. They should be embarrassed!

The whole point of Wikipedia is for people to write up their own
entries on various subjects. It's the ultimate Hitchhikers' Guide to
the Galaxy. It's created by anyone for everyone. What a great idea.

Now, of course there's plenty of articles with inaccuracies, plenty of
incomplete articles, plenty of ones with half-witted opinions. And
there's so many articles that are just that - opinions on a subject.
It's not supposed to be perfect or the be-all-or-end-all on any topic
- and it's not - but it's bloody useful and an excellent resource.

So here comes a bunch of people whinging about bias and then saying
that they are a pro-Christian and pro-American site.

Bias anyone?

Just because people don't agree with you and have a different opinion
to you, doesn't mean you defect, run off and start your own way of
doing things where you are always right. That's so, I dunno, scary. So
Henry the 8th, so politically frightening.

If you don't agree with people's opinions and the way things are done,
the only way to make a difference isn't to leave, it's to change
things from within. If you're still being overthrown, you gotta have a
look at things from a broder perspective. Maybe your opinion isn't
that popular. Well sucks for you, but get over it and shout a little
louder. Maybe, you're even wrong. Shock upon horror!!

I feel so sorry for homeschooled kids who are brought up seeing events
in the Bible as literal fact. Parents who do this are raising
generation upon generation of inbred freaks with crazed,
fundamentalist opinions. "OMG Adam and Eve were real people. Doesn't
that mean Cain and Abel slept with their mother and sisters to produce
more offspring?! Does that mean I can sleep with my sister?! Cooolz."

Okay, I'm taking the piss. But seriously, it's frightening when,
against all available evidence, kids are being taught that the
Universe was creating in six days, 5000 years ago. Give God more
credit than that.

It's freaking embarrasing to be a Christian when this how some vocal
Christians make themselves seen. These people make baby Jesus cry
sweet tears from his sacred little heart. We are certainly not all a
bunch of straight-laced, narrow-minded, scientifically-inept, hateful,
ultra right-wing morons who try to enforce their views on other people
while singing Shine Jesus Shine in huge halls while some middle-aged
white male rants on with some twisted crap about God's power and the
evil that abounds the world. Now, come forth for the power of
healing!!!

Oh, I loved the bit where they write how terrible it is that many
entries in Wikipedia are in "British" English rather than "American
English". Shock fucking horror!! The people of the Internet are
writing in English using...English!!!!
Gaaah!!!
Run and hide!!

Hmmmm - I liked one of the letters published in today's SMH:

"When opinion is against you, you can voice your own opinion. But when
the facts are against you … write your own history."

These people are just as frightening as those idiotic, ultra left-wing
"people should be allowed to do whatever makes them happy" freakish
hippies.

Now don't let me get started on them.

Now I shall wait for God to strike me down for being so disrespectful
towards his chosen people.

Life and happiness. (Yeah, it's an ambitious title)

2007-03-01T16:49:00.001+11:00

Posting to my blog via email doesn't seem to be working lately. Let's
see if this one takes...

Oh - thanks for all the lovely remarks on my last post. Graduation day
is 23rd March.

Contrary to popular belief, I *am* still here, still reading all your
blogs on a daily basis, still following your lives and your stories
the same way an avid Bold and the Beautiful fan follows the lives of
Ridge, Brooke and co.

Life has been fine. It's alright. Whatever Quarter-Life Crisis I
started experiencing when I was 25 is still with me, and now seems to
have spread to my husband and some of his friends.

They're all angsty - like adolescent boys. Confused about where they
are and what they're doing with their lives.

One of the exercises recommended when you can't seem to work out what
you want to do with your life, is to look at your strengths and figure
out what you need to do to be happy and good at what you're doing.

I'm a classic timewaster (aren't most bloggers?) So in order to
continue on that "journey to self-discovery" that most teens, quarter,
and mid-life crisis people seem to be on, I am currently timewasting
by doing those validated personality questionnaires on
www.authentichappiness.org

So far, on the Signature Strengths questionnaire, the results for my
Top Five strengths (out of a list of 24) are:

Your Top Strength
Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You
have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere
there is an opportunity to learn.

Your Second Strength
Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and
you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and
discovery.

Your Third Strength
Capacity to love and be loved
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which
sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most
close are the same people who feel most close to you.
Your Fourth Strength
Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You
believe that the future is something that you can control.
Your Fifth Strength
Appreciation of beauty and excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled
performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics
to science to everyday experience.

Yeah, I suppose that's me.
How that's supposed to help me figure out what I want from life, I dunno! lol

I'm curious to see how Hubby scores.

Yep, I'm rambling on here. I'm starting to feel okay again these days,
which is great. But now that I'm alright, Hubby's really down. And I
can't be happy unless he's happy.

I guess what makes us both happy are the precious things - spending
time with each other and with family and friends, sharing meals,
spending time in the garden, going on our little outings (tonight
we're heading to the ABC studios to be in the audience for a pilot of
a new variety show). So if those things make us happy, and we do those
things all the time, what's tipping the balance? What's stopping us
from being happy?

Hubby wants to be more involved with the local community. His idea of
a good life is knowing everyone on our street by name, walking down to
the local shops and being greeted by the shopkeepers who know just
what he wants, helping out people in our area. Those things are
achievable - we live in a "villagey-feeling" suburb. Maybe at the
moment we're a bit isolated and he feels he can't get there.

He wants to be good at his job. No - he wants to be great at it. He
had such high expectations for himself when I first met him, and it
really seems like he's losing that confidence as the years go by. He
was running his own small business back in England and it was doing
well, but he gave that up for me. And everytime he thinks of starting
of setting up his own business again, things happen - he became
unwell, our financial responsibilties multiplied a billion times - it
just hasn't happened for him. I can't help but feel some guilt about
that.

Maybe there's been too much change for him (two new jobs, buying a
house, loads of financial stress, being diagnosed with cancer - all in
the last 16 months).

But it's not like we're stuck, and we are moving in the right direction.

As we were saying this morning, life's just going to get more and more
complicated for us as time goes by - that's just how it goes.
Responsibilities mount, more losses occur. But it's not all bad. We've
grown up a lot over the last year. I think I've developed more
compassion for others. I think he's seen how strong he can be. Those
things can be good things.

I guess what I'm saying is that we need to treat this year (what's
left of it - it's freaking March already!) as time in which we
recover. To make the most of our time. Appreciate what we have.

Oh, I sound like a walking cliche!
Call it late afternoon delirium. Maybe I'll get my head around my
thoughts better another day...

Call me Dr Jezzy...

2007-02-20T16:44:00.000+11:00

...I now officially have my PhD.

Will be attending the faculty graduation ceremony next month on the 23rd.

Yayness!!

2007-02-20T08:19:00.000+11:00

Feeling unwell.
Runny nose. Sore throat. Headache. Tired.
Taken the day off work.

As good an excuse as any to catch up on blogging...

"Be ambitious for the higher gifts..."

2007-02-15T15:02:00.001+11:00

Little is known about St Valentine. The stories about him appear to be
linked mainly to two men, both dying as martyrs. St Valentine's feast
day of February 14th isn't recognised as such by the Church anymore as
the story of the saint is more the stuff of legends than fact.

But Valentine's Day is a huge event with all the commercial annoyances
of Christmas. And like Christmas, you have a number of choices:

A) Embrace the whole commercial thing with loads of enthusiasm.
B) Try to celebrate what it's really about or what you believe it
should be about.
C) Ignore it and hope it will go away.

I'm a B person.
I'm not cynical enough to be a C person. Besides, if I were, I'd be
letting the whole commerical thing win and I refuse to let that
happen. I also hate over-commercialising of things to the extent where
all the meaning of the event is stripped and we're left with useless
presents and huge credit card bills.

So for Valentine's Day, and our 3rd wedding anniversary, we ditched
presents and roses (I have my own scented roses in bloom in my garden
at the moment anyway!) and we spent the evening with a bunch of
married couples at a church where we used to attend.

It was lovely to spend the time with married couples of all ages who
have all had such different experiences. After a short Mass, we had a
structured discussion about the high and low points of the previous
year.

Hubby and I had plenty of stories to share and we really enjoyed
listening to what other couples had been through and how important it
is to get strength from each other during tough times, and to
appreciate the joy of the good times.

We listened to a talk about being ambitious. Not about careers or
lifestyle, but about our marriages.

It's easy to have dreams and expectations regarding what the perfect
marriage and perfect husband/wife should be like. Most of us have
those romantic notions.

But dreams and expectations are passive. And those things leave us
open to disappointment - after all, our spouse is as imperfect as we
are.

He or she shouldn't be expected to cater to our every wish and
effortlessly fulfil our every desire.

Life is not a Mills and Boon novel.

Having ambition, however, is not passive. It requires us to work out
how to make our dreams and expectations a reality. It's up to us to
work at it.

We all had to work out what we'd choose as our ambition for the year.
It had to be concrete and achievable and, of course, related to our
marriages.

They also catered a wonderfully romantic, candlelit dinner. It was just lovely.

And it was great to do such a romantic thing, keeping in spirit with
Valentine's Day, without receiving a dozen long-stemmed roses, a plush
bear and a heart-shaped box of chocolates while having dinner sitting
with myriad dating couples trying to impress each other.

It's got to be a bit more meaningful, original and heartfelt than that!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-14T15:58:00.001+11:00

Today is our third wedding anniversary.

We decided on a "no presents" theme this year and instead had to write
each other a long love letter. It's much harder to find the words to
say what I want to say, than to just hand over the old credit card!

Anyway, it reminded me of our early days when we were doing the long
distance thing and all we had was words. Letters, emails, phone calls,
texting - it was all words. It was nice writing that letter.

I had a lot to say.

As to other things, my PhD has been approved but it's a race for time
to get me into the graduation ceremony next month. I need to get one
bound copy to the university by Friday. I was at Fedex Kinko's last
night getting a copy printed at 9pm and now it's at the book bindery.
Sure, this one will be a crappy copy (Hubby works for a printing
company and will print nicer copies to bind later) but there's a need
for speed at the moment. Gaaah! I hope the approval comes through.
I've waited a ridiculous amount of time for this and it *has* to come
through okay. I need to graduate!!

Hubby started a new job today. Hopefully this one will be better than the last!

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day. Kisses and hugs to you all.

2007-01-30T17:00:00.001+11:00

Back in 2005, I loved blogging.
I was quite obsessed with it.

I'd have random thoughts throughout the day about funny things I could
write about, keeping my eye out for silly situations, pondering on all
sorts of things. I'd make notes about them, I'd write everyday -
carefully wording my posts - and I'd comment on loads of other blogs.
I developed my blogging-style – to be funny, irreverent, a little
shocking, and I'd write pretty much uncensored on any given topic.
That was my persona.

It was fantastic building up a community of people who I'd link to,
and who would link to me.
It's a form of attention-whoring, I know, and I loved it.

I've met some really great people over the last 2+ years.

It's not so easy these days.
Life has changed, I have changed.

My writing style has changed. Like me, it's more guarded and serious,
but probably, at the same time, more honest.

These days I only link to people who I know I want to read everyday.
Only to people who I consider to be special and who I'd like to get to
know.
But I don't have time to post everyday and I can't even seem to manage
once a week.
I barely know what to write about anymore!

This place has just become a place where I come to rant and whine. But
I don't really want to do that to my blog or to my readers.

Besides, contrary to popular belief, talking loads about your problems
does not make them better – and those of you who know me, know that
I'm pretty happy-go-lucky most of the time.

I just don't have anything much to say right now. Nothing worth
writing about or reading.
Life is very busy, but fine. I'm fine, Hubby is well, it's all fine
and that's all there is to it right now.

I'm decidedly un-creative at the moment. I even bore myself with my
own posts these days. That's not good!

In the past couple of weeks, a number of people who I link to have
decided to take a break from blogging.

It's not a bad idea.

Don't fret, I'm still around and I wuv you all.
I still read you quite religiously through Google Reader, despite not
having the time to comment on your blogs.

So I'll post on occasion. Maybe something interesting will happen to
me and I'll be able to escape my blog-writing block!

In the meantime, watch this space – though less often than before –
and feel free to email me: jezzygirl[at]gmail[dot]com

Love
Jezzy

JezzyLife

New Blog

Hmmmm

Farewell

World Youth Day and Hubby's Birthday

Shameless Birthday Plug

Random thoughts:

Walking!

Two things annoying me at the moment:

We are now officially the "rich bastards" who must be punished!

Hate and Love

Because there's nothing like revisiting a retro meme...

things

Howdy

Over Committed

Sacred

How do I get out of it? Advice please...

Crazy 8s

I'm back - and exhausted!

mirror, mirror...

January

what I did on my summer holidays...

Perfect Day

Wrap-up 2007 and resolutions 2008

End of year meme - stolen from deemacgee

just a bit fed up...

Thanks for Family

Back home

be back soon...

Five year plans...

Stardust

Good for you?

10 things on your desk

Not 21 again...

The perils of bikini weather...

stolen from JPD

long weekends...

Tis Grand Final weekend!!

Busy?

I've had so many people say...

holiday

I'm back...

I'm off!

John Laws - you are such a tool!

Gimme some peace!

Thank you online people!

I hate you commercial TV

Piano

I am still here!

Currently...Recently...

You don't have to be a naïve Internet noobie, responding to dodgy emails from Nigeria, to get scammed out of thousands of dollars

Scared, upset, pissed off.

Sweetness and Light

Misc.

8 things Meme

It's my party...

Bye bye...

This is both funny *and* addictive...

Gaah!! Make it stop!

Growing up - and older...

update...

American Doll Posse

Character building?

The MAGIC 8-BALL MUSIC MEME

Sue them?

Dance with me

Randominity

I'm a socialite! / Toxic friends

Priorities...

Weekend roundup...

Gardening and Research

If only they could all be this interesting...

Yes, Interesting!

Interesting?

This sounds terribly mean but...

Why am I not surprised?

How much do you ever really change?

Ladder Theory

100 things - **Warning - really long post!**

It's PhD Graduation Day!!

This is both funny and addictive...

100 things - Warning - really long post!